Friday, May 2, 2008
NO title here
i have no title. I dont really have much of a post either. I am not sure what to say about the whole Obama Wright thing except thats sad. How much would that hurt more to have to break with a friend in the public arena? TO lose a friend hurts very much, to lose a pastor you have had for half a lifetime must be excruciating. I think the best course of action for us all to take is none. To leave these men to the difficult task of dealing with their hurt. I am sad that Obama is "losing momentum" in his campaign and I will pray for him. It must be tiresome to have to fight so much and debate so much and be critiqued so much. I think he is a decent man who wants good things for all people in this country. Its sad that fact alone makes people skeptical. Its sad that race factors so much into this campaign and everything else in America and elsewhere, it factors in so much more than we will ever know and in ways we cannot identify. I am tired of identifying it, honestly. Fortunately, being white I do have the choice to retreat to my "white" world and ignore these racial problems. But I wont. I never do. But having that choice and not making that choice makes all the difference in the world and keeps me fighting for love and rightousness.
Friday, April 4, 2008
MICHELE OBAMA'S MILITANT RACISM REVEALED
And that was the title of the article that was emailed to me.
Yes, apparently she was not just racist, she was militantly racist just to put a little more flavor on it and to incite a little bit more panic and more reaction.
That thought rendering title was directly preceded by this personal add on
"DO NOT BE NAIVE TO THE FORCES AT WORK HERE........................
I'll stick with McCain. Do you realize that if Obama is elected our next
President she would be our new fist lady?"
Also special wording and not over-dramatic to drum up fear and panic! So I read what followed with open eyes and a bit of humor. That humor quickly turned to disgust and anger. That anger was not blind, because it's obvious what is going on here. Can't bring Barack down, let's go in the back way and tumble his wife. Next the kids are going to be on the chopping block for their refusal to buy and play with white barbies!!!! Their militant racism REVEALED for the public to see!!
(If my sarcasm confuses you then refer to the link to Aaron Roy's blog @ http://markaaronroy.blogspot.com and refer to the Racially Exhausted blog for more insight into my current feelings. His sentiments mirror my own.)
Here is the first two paragraphs of the article:
In her senior thesis at Princeton, Michele Obama, the wife of Barack Obama stated that America was a nation founded on "crime and hatred". Moreover, she stated that whites in America were "ineradicably racist". The 1985 thesis, titled
"Princeton-Educated Blacks and the Black Community" was written under her maiden
name, Michelle LaVaughn Robinson.
Michelle Obama stated in her thesis that to "Whites at Princeton , it often seems as
if, to them, she will always be Black first..." However, it was reported by a fellow
black classmate, "If those "Whites at Princeton " really saw Michelle as one who
always would "be Black first," it seems that she gave them that impression".
So? IS she wrong in any fashion here? How was America founded? I thought it was obvious now that we stole this land from the current inhabitants and then proceeded to kill them off once we realized they were not suitable for enslavement (they kept running away because they knew the land and where to go, they were too susceptible to our European diseases). Yes, murder and stealing are crimes. We also sure seemed to hate the Native Americans or why would we want to kill them and steal their stuff once they proved of no good to us?
I also thought that it was common knowledge that once someone is black they cannot reverse that (google: Michael jackson skin whitening attempts). So she will always be Black, yes and its ok to be proud of your heritage. I am sometimes known to sport Proud to Irish shirts or pins, usually forced upon me by my grandma on St. Patrick's day (see previous post entitles Sarah Mary Catherine Murphy Celebrates St. Patrick's Day with a Blogpost) and never does someone feel offended or the need to call me racist, excuse me MILITANTLY racist as a result of celebrating my heritage.
Then next few paragraphs continue:
Most alarming is Michele Obama's use of the terms "separationist" and
"integrationist" when describing the views of black people.
Mrs. Obama clearly identifies herself with a "separationist" view of race.
"By actually working with the Black lower class or within their communities as a
result of their ideologies, a separationist may better understand the desperation of
their situation and feel more hopeless about a resolution as opposed to an
integrationist who is ignorant to their plight." Obama writes that the path she chose by attending Princeton would likely lead to her "further integration and/or assimilation into a white cultural and social structure that will only allow me to remain on the periphery of society; never becoming a full participant."
Ok so some not so obvious information- Here Michelle seems to be referring to past Black historical figures and their timeless debate of how the Black community might best succeed and rise to equality. These figures are Booker T. Washington (segregationist) and W.E.B. DuBois (integrationist). These two men surfaced publicly after the end of slavery around the latter Reconstruction years and addressed the question of what Blacks are supposed to do now that are they are "free." Should they establish a society alongside that of the white but separate (separationist mentality) so they could run it and not have a constant lower class presence? While being separate they could run their own institutions and banks and seemingly own their destiny? Or should they integrate (integrationist) with in the white community, hoping that the new laws would all of a sudden change the white mentality and they as blacks would be seen as truly equal and allowed to fully particpate in society? This is just a simple taste of those points of view, as many issues arise with both points of views. But clearly, Michelle Obama is continuing this discussion that began in a relevant part of our history. ao why was this person alarmed then at her use of obvious historically relevant linguistics; separationist and integrationist? I can def. provide a biting commentary into the reasons (serious ignorance) and personal characteristics (white) of the supposed author of the piece, (not the people who emailed it on) but that will not further knowledge or love to attack others.
Also, I thought it was pretty obvious that people still enjoy being around others like them. They stick to their groups, you like hunting I like hunting lets hang out and shoot stuff. You like Jesus, I like Jesus lets hang out and pray and read the bible. This extends to ethnic groups. In Chicago, this is super obvious as the neighborhoods used to be drawn around ethnicities like Greektown, Ukranian Village, Chinatown, Pilsen (hispanic). IN some neighborhoods, this is still obvious like Humboldt park, but in others people ended up there as a result of redlining districts. Blacks were not allowed to move wherever they wanted. They were contained first on the South sides and secondly on the West side (garfield park/austin area)as they migrated to Chicago during the first half of the 1900's. Still large populations exist in those areas and Blacks can align together as all other ethnic groups do frequently. There are Irish supper clubs and Chinese restaurants that publicize a favor for hiring Chinese workers and Jewish social clubs to further Jewish children and families and none of this is seen as a problem. What if I was super Irish and I said I am white and a woman and a college student but always because of how my ancestor's struggled to leave a turbulent, violent and destitute country, always I am Irish first. People would not care. Really. But when Blacks band together they are feared and hated. The Jewish community is infamous for their interests in helping further their own community. No one has a problem with that publicly. But here, Michelle Obama is commenting on her Blackness and the fact that she identifies with it and this is seen as a detriment? A racist sentiment?
then,
Michele Obama clearly has a chip on her shoulder.
Not only does she see separate black and white societies in America , but she
elevates black over white in her world
or maybe she sees what is going on here in America. For the most part, white and blacks have a little bit o' trouble getting together. Elevates black over whites? I did not see this, but even if she did personally feel that she liked blacks more because she is proud of who she is and wants to help others like her, WHITES HAVE BEEN DOING THAT FOREVER. They concentrate their wealth with other whites and build up and do not seek, sometimes, to go outside their community to bring in others in large numbers. It is just a fact. Seriously. Take a gander around America!
The following passage appears to be a call to arms for affirmative action policies
that could be the hallmark of an Obama administration.
"Predominately white universities like Princeton are socially and academically
designed to cater to the needs of the white students comprising the bulk of their
enrollments."
No! No way! Higher instutions in America actually CATER to whites? Shut the front door!
wow. i think they were serious.
I am sure Michelle Obama is smart, but it does not take a Princeton graduate or a liberal to figure that out. Look at the government and its racial make up. Or even better, look up the (racial) quotas instituted by Princeton and Harvard in the early 1900's. They blatantly publicize that far more minorities (at this time, Jewish) are accessing the college than they had planned. The lilly white makeup was being tainted with a little color. So they instituted quotas. (later repealed in the 60's, I believe)
Are you still reading this?
Here's the ending:
Michelle Obama's poll of black alumni concludes that other black students at Princeton do not share her obsession with blackness. But rather than celebrate, she is horrified that black alumni identify with our common American culture more than they value the color of their skin. "I hoped that these findings would help me conclude that despite the high degree of identification with whites as a result ofthe educational and occupational path that black Princeton alumni follow, the alumni would still maintain a certain level of identification with the black community.However, these findings do not support this possibility."
Is it no wonder that most black alumni ignored her racist questionnaire? Only 89
students responded out of 400 who were asked for input.
Michelle Obama does not look into a crowd of Obama supporters and see Americans. She
sees black people and white people eternally conflicted with one another.
The thesis provides a trove of Mrs. Obama's thoughts and world view seen through a
race-based prism.
This is a very divisive view for a potential first lady that would do untold damage
to race relations in this country in a Barack Obama administration.
her obcession with blackness. Obcession. Her desiring to help the black community is an obcession? I apparently have an obcession with helping the poor. An obcession. I want to say like five more times, obcession obcession obcession my mom wears obcession perfume. But c'mon, seriously? Her obcession with the black community. How do you obcess about a community? panic fear obcession panic fear. (I am laughing out loud at myself now.)
Michelle Obama's conclusive findings in her school paper say that she discovered at this upper echelon school that blacks do not identify with the larger black community. Well, butter my nose and call me sally REALLY? that is the summation point we are focusing on? White people that go to Princeton do not identify with the average white community either. No one identifies with Princeton, they are geniuses!! :) kidding. But an honest problem in black communities is that absence of the "talented tenth" leaving (W.E.B. DuBois reference). Once out in the world and succeeding they do not always return home and work to alleviate some of the social problems in their neighborhoods or communities. Well, Blacks are not the only people that are guilty of that. Who wants to go back home after you been out in the world? See ya mom, i am out. You know?
so the author sums up this neat literary work with this assertion, Michelle Obama would do tons of harm to race relations in America. BAsically, because she identifies with her blackness. But how do we know that? Because she wrote a paper on it in school?
Ok I try to get good grades, I do but I am not excellent at focusing and the world gets in the way alot. A time or two I have written a bunch of rambling garbage to fill up one or two of the ten page paper that is due tomorrow when its like 2 am the night before. How awesome would that be if like ten years later, when I am married and with children and completely oblivious to what a scribbled down, someone find my paper and then puts it out on the internet?
awesome.
Draw your own conclusions.
*****I got this from two different people and then heard people at school talking about this and realized people are receiving this email and reading it and then talking about it.*****
Yes, apparently she was not just racist, she was militantly racist just to put a little more flavor on it and to incite a little bit more panic and more reaction.
That thought rendering title was directly preceded by this personal add on
"DO NOT BE NAIVE TO THE FORCES AT WORK HERE........................
I'll stick with McCain. Do you realize that if Obama is elected our next
President she would be our new fist lady?"
Also special wording and not over-dramatic to drum up fear and panic! So I read what followed with open eyes and a bit of humor. That humor quickly turned to disgust and anger. That anger was not blind, because it's obvious what is going on here. Can't bring Barack down, let's go in the back way and tumble his wife. Next the kids are going to be on the chopping block for their refusal to buy and play with white barbies!!!! Their militant racism REVEALED for the public to see!!
(If my sarcasm confuses you then refer to the link to Aaron Roy's blog @ http://markaaronroy.blogspot.com and refer to the Racially Exhausted blog for more insight into my current feelings. His sentiments mirror my own.)
Here is the first two paragraphs of the article:
In her senior thesis at Princeton, Michele Obama, the wife of Barack Obama stated that America was a nation founded on "crime and hatred". Moreover, she stated that whites in America were "ineradicably racist". The 1985 thesis, titled
"Princeton-Educated Blacks and the Black Community" was written under her maiden
name, Michelle LaVaughn Robinson.
Michelle Obama stated in her thesis that to "Whites at Princeton , it often seems as
if, to them, she will always be Black first..." However, it was reported by a fellow
black classmate, "If those "Whites at Princeton " really saw Michelle as one who
always would "be Black first," it seems that she gave them that impression".
So? IS she wrong in any fashion here? How was America founded? I thought it was obvious now that we stole this land from the current inhabitants and then proceeded to kill them off once we realized they were not suitable for enslavement (they kept running away because they knew the land and where to go, they were too susceptible to our European diseases). Yes, murder and stealing are crimes. We also sure seemed to hate the Native Americans or why would we want to kill them and steal their stuff once they proved of no good to us?
I also thought that it was common knowledge that once someone is black they cannot reverse that (google: Michael jackson skin whitening attempts). So she will always be Black, yes and its ok to be proud of your heritage. I am sometimes known to sport Proud to Irish shirts or pins, usually forced upon me by my grandma on St. Patrick's day (see previous post entitles Sarah Mary Catherine Murphy Celebrates St. Patrick's Day with a Blogpost) and never does someone feel offended or the need to call me racist, excuse me MILITANTLY racist as a result of celebrating my heritage.
Then next few paragraphs continue:
Most alarming is Michele Obama's use of the terms "separationist" and
"integrationist" when describing the views of black people.
Mrs. Obama clearly identifies herself with a "separationist" view of race.
"By actually working with the Black lower class or within their communities as a
result of their ideologies, a separationist may better understand the desperation of
their situation and feel more hopeless about a resolution as opposed to an
integrationist who is ignorant to their plight." Obama writes that the path she chose by attending Princeton would likely lead to her "further integration and/or assimilation into a white cultural and social structure that will only allow me to remain on the periphery of society; never becoming a full participant."
Ok so some not so obvious information- Here Michelle seems to be referring to past Black historical figures and their timeless debate of how the Black community might best succeed and rise to equality. These figures are Booker T. Washington (segregationist) and W.E.B. DuBois (integrationist). These two men surfaced publicly after the end of slavery around the latter Reconstruction years and addressed the question of what Blacks are supposed to do now that are they are "free." Should they establish a society alongside that of the white but separate (separationist mentality) so they could run it and not have a constant lower class presence? While being separate they could run their own institutions and banks and seemingly own their destiny? Or should they integrate (integrationist) with in the white community, hoping that the new laws would all of a sudden change the white mentality and they as blacks would be seen as truly equal and allowed to fully particpate in society? This is just a simple taste of those points of view, as many issues arise with both points of views. But clearly, Michelle Obama is continuing this discussion that began in a relevant part of our history. ao why was this person alarmed then at her use of obvious historically relevant linguistics; separationist and integrationist? I can def. provide a biting commentary into the reasons (serious ignorance) and personal characteristics (white) of the supposed author of the piece, (not the people who emailed it on) but that will not further knowledge or love to attack others.
Also, I thought it was pretty obvious that people still enjoy being around others like them. They stick to their groups, you like hunting I like hunting lets hang out and shoot stuff. You like Jesus, I like Jesus lets hang out and pray and read the bible. This extends to ethnic groups. In Chicago, this is super obvious as the neighborhoods used to be drawn around ethnicities like Greektown, Ukranian Village, Chinatown, Pilsen (hispanic). IN some neighborhoods, this is still obvious like Humboldt park, but in others people ended up there as a result of redlining districts. Blacks were not allowed to move wherever they wanted. They were contained first on the South sides and secondly on the West side (garfield park/austin area)as they migrated to Chicago during the first half of the 1900's. Still large populations exist in those areas and Blacks can align together as all other ethnic groups do frequently. There are Irish supper clubs and Chinese restaurants that publicize a favor for hiring Chinese workers and Jewish social clubs to further Jewish children and families and none of this is seen as a problem. What if I was super Irish and I said I am white and a woman and a college student but always because of how my ancestor's struggled to leave a turbulent, violent and destitute country, always I am Irish first. People would not care. Really. But when Blacks band together they are feared and hated. The Jewish community is infamous for their interests in helping further their own community. No one has a problem with that publicly. But here, Michelle Obama is commenting on her Blackness and the fact that she identifies with it and this is seen as a detriment? A racist sentiment?
then,
Michele Obama clearly has a chip on her shoulder.
Not only does she see separate black and white societies in America , but she
elevates black over white in her world
or maybe she sees what is going on here in America. For the most part, white and blacks have a little bit o' trouble getting together. Elevates black over whites? I did not see this, but even if she did personally feel that she liked blacks more because she is proud of who she is and wants to help others like her, WHITES HAVE BEEN DOING THAT FOREVER. They concentrate their wealth with other whites and build up and do not seek, sometimes, to go outside their community to bring in others in large numbers. It is just a fact. Seriously. Take a gander around America!
The following passage appears to be a call to arms for affirmative action policies
that could be the hallmark of an Obama administration.
"Predominately white universities like Princeton are socially and academically
designed to cater to the needs of the white students comprising the bulk of their
enrollments."
No! No way! Higher instutions in America actually CATER to whites? Shut the front door!
wow. i think they were serious.
I am sure Michelle Obama is smart, but it does not take a Princeton graduate or a liberal to figure that out. Look at the government and its racial make up. Or even better, look up the (racial) quotas instituted by Princeton and Harvard in the early 1900's. They blatantly publicize that far more minorities (at this time, Jewish) are accessing the college than they had planned. The lilly white makeup was being tainted with a little color. So they instituted quotas. (later repealed in the 60's, I believe)
Are you still reading this?
Here's the ending:
Michelle Obama's poll of black alumni concludes that other black students at Princeton do not share her obsession with blackness. But rather than celebrate, she is horrified that black alumni identify with our common American culture more than they value the color of their skin. "I hoped that these findings would help me conclude that despite the high degree of identification with whites as a result ofthe educational and occupational path that black Princeton alumni follow, the alumni would still maintain a certain level of identification with the black community.However, these findings do not support this possibility."
Is it no wonder that most black alumni ignored her racist questionnaire? Only 89
students responded out of 400 who were asked for input.
Michelle Obama does not look into a crowd of Obama supporters and see Americans. She
sees black people and white people eternally conflicted with one another.
The thesis provides a trove of Mrs. Obama's thoughts and world view seen through a
race-based prism.
This is a very divisive view for a potential first lady that would do untold damage
to race relations in this country in a Barack Obama administration.
her obcession with blackness. Obcession. Her desiring to help the black community is an obcession? I apparently have an obcession with helping the poor. An obcession. I want to say like five more times, obcession obcession obcession my mom wears obcession perfume. But c'mon, seriously? Her obcession with the black community. How do you obcess about a community? panic fear obcession panic fear. (I am laughing out loud at myself now.)
Michelle Obama's conclusive findings in her school paper say that she discovered at this upper echelon school that blacks do not identify with the larger black community. Well, butter my nose and call me sally REALLY? that is the summation point we are focusing on? White people that go to Princeton do not identify with the average white community either. No one identifies with Princeton, they are geniuses!! :) kidding. But an honest problem in black communities is that absence of the "talented tenth" leaving (W.E.B. DuBois reference). Once out in the world and succeeding they do not always return home and work to alleviate some of the social problems in their neighborhoods or communities. Well, Blacks are not the only people that are guilty of that. Who wants to go back home after you been out in the world? See ya mom, i am out. You know?
so the author sums up this neat literary work with this assertion, Michelle Obama would do tons of harm to race relations in America. BAsically, because she identifies with her blackness. But how do we know that? Because she wrote a paper on it in school?
Ok I try to get good grades, I do but I am not excellent at focusing and the world gets in the way alot. A time or two I have written a bunch of rambling garbage to fill up one or two of the ten page paper that is due tomorrow when its like 2 am the night before. How awesome would that be if like ten years later, when I am married and with children and completely oblivious to what a scribbled down, someone find my paper and then puts it out on the internet?
awesome.
Draw your own conclusions.
*****I got this from two different people and then heard people at school talking about this and realized people are receiving this email and reading it and then talking about it.*****
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Rev. Wright or Wrong?
I think I am clever with that title, I really do.
I cannot seem to not care about this, or not respond to the recent Obamarific happenings as much as I want to. On the airplane both ways, politics and Jesus came up leading us straight to Obama. AND it wasn't that they saw the back of my sweatshirt (Barack My World) which led to conversation, it just was random talk. Family members and friends emailed and called inquiring about my response or to be like, "SEE? I am staying with good ol' McCain."
SO after much thought and not really a strong desire but a felt need to speak out I say the following.
I do not actually think Rev. Wright has much to be sorry for. I did not hear that whole sermon, as did any of us not present that day but the excerpt I heard that seems to be the most inflammatory, the one phrase that everyone is so freaking pissy about is "God Damn America. God Damn America for it's past treatment of minorities."
And I say yes, Rev. Wright, GOd Damn America and I think HE will. I see America as the most sinful, corrupted, materialistic nation going. But my views are not important here, the simple fact is that God will damn America unless they repent for their sins. The sins of blatantly denying the poor and the least, for obcessive materialistic views that are signifying idolatry and placing other things before the Lord. We are the richest nation (debatable lately with the crashing of the market)in the world, as we have been referred to for years. The Lord clearly says in the book of Matthew:
23Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
later in that same chapter he confirms:30But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.
Based on this and many, countless other passages about loving and caring for the poor and the least and welcoming the stranger, I feel America has the blood of the poor and the least all over her hands. Slavery, our treatment of immigrants, our denial and rejection of the poor in all arenas of life, our capitalistic striving to make more money and covet more things and our collaborative denial of Christ as our only savior from this life leads me to see God seriously damning America. SO go on ahead, Rev. Wright because I ain't mad at you.
Obama. He apparently ain't mad at you either! First just hearing Obama's speech and not knowing exactly what Rev. Wright said, I was struck deeply by something in his speech. Not all his elaboration on America's deep need to speak about racial issues, although I agree and felt relief someone with a bigger voice than I put it out there for us all to see. I was joyful at that but something else seemed to far outshine that for me. In his speech, Obama decried Rev. Wright's statements but he stood by the man. He stood by him despite those falling percentage points and loss of the super delegates (quick sidenote- HOW, i repeat with emphasis, HOW exactly do superdelegates fit into out idea of democracy? Do they have super powers that their votes are counted as more important and more super and special that other delegates of even common voters?) Obama did not reject or deny Rev. Wright. He said oh yes he did something wrong, but he is my guy, my pastor, my friend and I will not abandon him for my personal gain. How many of us could be that loyal, that forgiving, and that loving in the face of such adversity? Whether or not what the Rev. says was wrong or right, Obama was like no, no, hold up! Thats my friend and y'all better just back it on up. I respect that. I RESPECT THAT too hard. I was seriously blown away by that ability to stand up for what he believes and who he believes in. Yes, It was a great speech and monumental for many reasons. But this reason made me respect him even more and wear my sweatshirt a little more proudly as on this day Barack did Rock MY World.
Come back tomorrow for some Michelle Obama talk.
I cannot seem to not care about this, or not respond to the recent Obamarific happenings as much as I want to. On the airplane both ways, politics and Jesus came up leading us straight to Obama. AND it wasn't that they saw the back of my sweatshirt (Barack My World) which led to conversation, it just was random talk. Family members and friends emailed and called inquiring about my response or to be like, "SEE? I am staying with good ol' McCain."
SO after much thought and not really a strong desire but a felt need to speak out I say the following.
I do not actually think Rev. Wright has much to be sorry for. I did not hear that whole sermon, as did any of us not present that day but the excerpt I heard that seems to be the most inflammatory, the one phrase that everyone is so freaking pissy about is "God Damn America. God Damn America for it's past treatment of minorities."
And I say yes, Rev. Wright, GOd Damn America and I think HE will. I see America as the most sinful, corrupted, materialistic nation going. But my views are not important here, the simple fact is that God will damn America unless they repent for their sins. The sins of blatantly denying the poor and the least, for obcessive materialistic views that are signifying idolatry and placing other things before the Lord. We are the richest nation (debatable lately with the crashing of the market)in the world, as we have been referred to for years. The Lord clearly says in the book of Matthew:
23Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."
later in that same chapter he confirms:30But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.
Based on this and many, countless other passages about loving and caring for the poor and the least and welcoming the stranger, I feel America has the blood of the poor and the least all over her hands. Slavery, our treatment of immigrants, our denial and rejection of the poor in all arenas of life, our capitalistic striving to make more money and covet more things and our collaborative denial of Christ as our only savior from this life leads me to see God seriously damning America. SO go on ahead, Rev. Wright because I ain't mad at you.
Obama. He apparently ain't mad at you either! First just hearing Obama's speech and not knowing exactly what Rev. Wright said, I was struck deeply by something in his speech. Not all his elaboration on America's deep need to speak about racial issues, although I agree and felt relief someone with a bigger voice than I put it out there for us all to see. I was joyful at that but something else seemed to far outshine that for me. In his speech, Obama decried Rev. Wright's statements but he stood by the man. He stood by him despite those falling percentage points and loss of the super delegates (quick sidenote- HOW, i repeat with emphasis, HOW exactly do superdelegates fit into out idea of democracy? Do they have super powers that their votes are counted as more important and more super and special that other delegates of even common voters?) Obama did not reject or deny Rev. Wright. He said oh yes he did something wrong, but he is my guy, my pastor, my friend and I will not abandon him for my personal gain. How many of us could be that loyal, that forgiving, and that loving in the face of such adversity? Whether or not what the Rev. says was wrong or right, Obama was like no, no, hold up! Thats my friend and y'all better just back it on up. I respect that. I RESPECT THAT too hard. I was seriously blown away by that ability to stand up for what he believes and who he believes in. Yes, It was a great speech and monumental for many reasons. But this reason made me respect him even more and wear my sweatshirt a little more proudly as on this day Barack did Rock MY World.
Come back tomorrow for some Michelle Obama talk.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Peeking out at the world
I am in Colorado visiting my sister. As I sat waiting in the doctor's office for her this afternoon, I read a book and people watched. The receptionists were perhaps the friendliest women ever, I think that people here are way nicer than back home in Chicago. I still would never leave there, but people are so happy and friendly here. A family walked in, 2 kids and 2 parents. The wife was wearing a full on burqua. I am not sure how to spell that, but the full covering only eyes showing. I had a sharp reaction to seeing this woman, and was actually surprised at my feelings of anger and confusion. As they walked in the door the husband took the baby and walked to the counter and announced their arrival and signed in as the wife walked to the back corner of the waiting room with the young daughter and sat. THe only thing I could see were her eyes, through slits cut into the black cloth covering her head to toe. I smiled at her and her eyes crinkled in the corners and I believe she smiled back. Have I never seen a woman in complete cover like that before? I guess not. I have seen plenty of women in hijab (just head scarf) and dont look twice or feel pained for them but I was disturbed by this today. I have no right to make assertions that anyone is forcing her to dress in this manner, it could just as well be a personal choice of hers that she enjoyed. But why? Why would a woman need to be covered so completely, no anything showing? I am not an idiot. I have read several books and watched several documentaries on women in middle eastern countries and the issue of covering but never had I seen a woman so near to me so hidden. The husband seemed friendly and smiled at me, I always dress modestly and not excitingly(today jeans, barack my world sweatshirt, gym shoes) but I wondered what they thought of me and my attire. Did they care? We were the only ones in the waiting room at this point and I smiled at their daughter as we both looked at the enormous fish tanks and vibrantly colored fish. I just have to say it, What is the matter with the woman that she needed to be so completely covered up? How is this pleasing to any god or God? I believe in being modest, and not letting it all just hang out but in this situation I just saw fear. Fear of women, fear of losing their attention, fear of ideas of lust? I am still surprised at my reaction, i guess having read so much about this and studied other cultures I didn't realize the weight or how this would be or affect me. I am wondering how this could be a good thing for anyone? This is such a sensitive subject and people say all the time that you should respect other's traditions and cultures but that cultural identifier is not one of Christ or love or peace. I feel bothered, and burdened.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Sarah MaryCatherine Murphy celebrates St. Patrick's Day with a blog.
Today is St. Patrick's day. Not many people know he was responsible for bringing Catholicism to Ireland. My grandma's family is from Country Cork just west of the St. Patrick's bridge. SO today before I left the house my grandma made me go change because I had no green on.She said, "I thought you were proud to be Irish?" I said "I am but how does wearing green fit into that?" So now I have a green shirt on and a green scarf. I made my friend Mariko and my boyfriend wear a green shamrock sticker. My grandma has a green shirt on, green pins and she bobby pinned green shamrock's into her hair. CUte. I went to pick up my boyfriend from work today which in Wrigleyville. I saw a bunch of white people being idiots and being drunk at 2 pm. I mean people wearing the flag of Ireland, huge guiness hats, shirts that request sexual favors on account of the irishness of the wearer( %^$#!** me I am Irish), and scantily green clad girls running around in the cold weather and lots of other stupid pseudo Irish attire. OK. So I just want to point out that they DO NOT even celebrate St. Patrick's day in Ireland. I am willing to bet ten dollars (enough for 2 or 3 specially prices Guinesses) that St. Patrick is not thrilled with this American legacy of getting so hammered you puke up green stuff all over Chicago. And i saw some people I am pretty sure were not Irish decked out head to toe in green. My boyfriend, who is not Irish, was confused as to why we in America and Chicago especially, freak out so much about St. Patrick's day and everyone gets hammered. I really had no explanation. I mean, i am super Irish and I have Irishy attributes like I have green eyes and right now my hair is redish (thanks Clairol) and I can knock back a few like it is my job (I don't anymore, Jesus asked me to stop). And it's true that Irish women are super duper fiesty, I will concede to that. Most of the times my family parties include alcohol and we fight alot. Lots of the male members of my family were firemen and policemen. My grandma used to dye the mashed potatoes green on St. Patrick's day when we were little. But I mean, that's about it. My gma's house has Irishy things like a blanket with a shamrock and an Irish prayer hanging but we are basically just white.SO was everyone else we say whooping it up downtown on March 17th. The oppression the Irish immigrants felt do not really have any lingering affects today. Check out this link and see today's post. This website makes me laugh out loud everyday. I especially love the angry posts they get calling them racist. Good fun for all.
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Blasts from the Past
My mom came over tonight. She helped me finish rearrange my little living space. It is so great, this configuration she came up. I just needed a fresh pair of eyes to scope out the best layout. I needed a change, and I feel refreshed. I created an office of sorts and I think it will help me to have a place to focus on business, the business of school. So she came bearing an enormous box of my stuff. Apparently, it has been cluttering up her house since I moved out 9 years ago! I sat down tonight and looked over everything and threw most of it out. It was correspondence from family and friends when I lived in Florida, multiple journals from my life, and miscellaneous stuff of all sorts. I was sad and disturbed to read over my journals and see the ridiculousness of my life. Depression, anxiety and lots of wasted time pining over relationships gone astray. It pained me to remember those lost times. Several times in my journals I asked God where He was in all this pain and sadness. I struggled with severe depression until about 5 years ago. I am still struck with anxiety but have a much better handle on everything. It's hard to see how I struggled so much to get where I am and my heart feels heavy tonight. Why didn't I understand about God earlier and how might that have changed my life? I was such a mess and maybe that is why at 28 I am years behind other people my age. Do i regret my decisions? I always use to pride myself on living no regrets and being tough as nails but reflecting on my most private, unabashed moments and seeing the deep conflict in my heart I wonder? I did find this cute poem I wrote in 4th grade though:
I am a rainbow.
I can make others happy
Just as a rainbow has many different shades and hues,
I have many different feelings and ideas.
A rainbow reflects goodness and happiness and so can I.
A rainbow is pure and independent.
:).
I am a rainbow.
I can make others happy
Just as a rainbow has many different shades and hues,
I have many different feelings and ideas.
A rainbow reflects goodness and happiness and so can I.
A rainbow is pure and independent.
:).
Thursday, March 13, 2008
I said Dude.
I am currently suffering through finals week of the winter quarter. I had to take this seminar class on multiculturalism in America and it was pretty awful. Not organized, the teacher was a wussy and let these arrogant theatre kids basically run the class. At Depaul, it being a private institution you get alot of suburban rich kids raised by these new age liberal parents who send them to Chicago so they can learn about the real world. It's alot of pretension, sometimes more than I can handle gracefully. On the other hand, it being a private institution I am getting an excellent education with lots of grants and aid for which I am seriously and completely grateful and humbled by. Anyway, my rant here is concerning the last day of this meandering troublesomely disorganized class and the straw that broke my tolerance camel's back. I was late for class. My cousin called from Colorado as I was walking out the door for class and I was super excited to talk to her. SO I was late and the only seat was by the two theatre guys in the class that I usually avoid like they are on fire. The final class we just sat around and talked about misconceptions of everything in the world and on and on. In the class is this conservative minded guy from Russia. He probaly has only been here for a quarter of his life. He somehow made a statement that homosexuals and intravenous drug users are the most likely to get AIDS. That was what he said, basically those two populations are the most likely to contract AIDS. Theatre kid 1 (who is from Portland and his mom is a lesbian and he had 2 mommies, he tells us every chance he gets which was like everyday in class) almost wets his corduroy pants. He screams out in frustration, "My mom did not create AIDS!!!!" I leaned forward ( because he was sitting across from me) and just said "DUDE! seriously?" I recoiled in horror. Not from this ridiculously unnecesary reaction he was having, but because I said the word DUDE. ew. where did that come from? Anyway, theatre kid 1 went on to plague us with his beliefs that gay people are not doing anything wrong and they are not more likey to contract AIDS than anyone else. Theatre kid 2 patted him on the back and was like "it's ok calm down." Theatre kid 1, while raking his super-messy-I-just-got out-of-bed-at-2-pm-right-before-this-class hair in frustration, responds "Dude, no, I mean, Dude, thats my family, dude. For real. Its not like this in Portland. People there know my mom did not create AIDS." I felt the need to point out that Igor, my Russian comrade, did not suggest HIS mother or anyone's mother CREATED AIDS. He merely said that homosexuals are more prone to contracting the virus. Now I dont give a hole in a chocolate covered donut if, in fact, homosexuals are more at risk to contract it or not, Don't have sex and if you do then use protection, but I wanted to throttle theatre kid number 1 for making a huge scene and being what I felt was way to oversensitive for like the 90th time in this quarter. I was actually too tired from staying up all night writing my final 10 page paper on the Ethnic Myth to reach across the table and smack some sense into him so I just stared at him. My friend Loressa, however, was not tired apparently. She turned to him and said, "He (meaning IGor) was not making it personal, calm down, he just doesn't know." Theatre kid 1 turned to Loressa, who is Black, and said 'What if I said all Blacks are bad? Or all Blacks should be oppressed?" Wow. Whiggity what? Now I leaned forward and said, "Shut the front door, no you did not just say that to her." She said "Why you gotta go there?" and then she turned away. I was speechless.
Theatre kid 1 and I have a bit of a history in that class. One day he was going on and on about foreign labor and the poor workers and outsourcing when I noticed something. SO I raised my hand and asked if he felt so strongly about that and we had to listen to him for like 10 plus minutes interrupt class, why was he wearing Nike's? He got super pissed and said we all patronize the evil corporation. I said yes and maybe we all feel bad about it too but we aren't yelling in class for ten minutes about it when the topic was the immigrant experience of Chinese Americans. Another day he was treating us to a super special glimpse into something about the government being evil and as a people we need to join together and I probaly agreed with him but he just kept going. I mean he is so passionate about EVERYTHING its like we all just stopped listening after awhile. So I asked him why if he is soo passionate about all this change and need for human aid why is majoring in theatre? He could have punched me in the face if he wasn't half my size and knew I could snap him like twig. He said, "theatre is a medium that changes the world the most." I said I think Jesus is.
SO... yesterday we had to peer grade each others final papers. Guess who got mine? He wouldn't tell me what he gave me but he put a sad face on it. Excellent. Can't wait to find out after the teacher reviews it. I feel better now. Dude.
Theatre kid 1 and I have a bit of a history in that class. One day he was going on and on about foreign labor and the poor workers and outsourcing when I noticed something. SO I raised my hand and asked if he felt so strongly about that and we had to listen to him for like 10 plus minutes interrupt class, why was he wearing Nike's? He got super pissed and said we all patronize the evil corporation. I said yes and maybe we all feel bad about it too but we aren't yelling in class for ten minutes about it when the topic was the immigrant experience of Chinese Americans. Another day he was treating us to a super special glimpse into something about the government being evil and as a people we need to join together and I probaly agreed with him but he just kept going. I mean he is so passionate about EVERYTHING its like we all just stopped listening after awhile. So I asked him why if he is soo passionate about all this change and need for human aid why is majoring in theatre? He could have punched me in the face if he wasn't half my size and knew I could snap him like twig. He said, "theatre is a medium that changes the world the most." I said I think Jesus is.
SO... yesterday we had to peer grade each others final papers. Guess who got mine? He wouldn't tell me what he gave me but he put a sad face on it. Excellent. Can't wait to find out after the teacher reviews it. I feel better now. Dude.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
I can see clearly now
My uncle died today. Actually, it is my Grandma's brother so my great uncle, Uncle Harry died this morning.
In June, my grandpa will be gone five years. I love him immensely. More than any other man, he raised me as his own in the absence of my father. His birthday is tomorrow, March 6th. My gma and gpa were married for 57 years. She misses him everyday, and we talk about it often.
THis week with the loss of her brother and the bday of her deceased husband and best friend looming, we had alot of talks and reminiscing. She told me a story that was so amazing I have to share.
My grandpa was losing his eyesight slowly but surely. Cataracts/glaucoma and age was just wearing down his vision at a rapid rate. He visited many doctors and my gma administered medicated eye drops daily. My gma was saddened by his failing eye sight and wanted to do something to help. She sought medical advice and was assured it could be done, then approached my gpa. "I want to give you one of my eyes," she told my gpa. He wouldn't hear of it. She went on to explain, "You are my navigator in life, you help me find my way. IF you can't see and lead us, then we are both lost." He refused and the matter was eventually dropped. SHe would have gone through the rest of life with one eye, so my gpa could have sight.
Is there a more obvious example of love (aside from Jesus dying for us)? She had 2, he would have none so why not share with him? She is an amazing little lady that i can learn alot more from about giving of myself. I think we all could.
In June, my grandpa will be gone five years. I love him immensely. More than any other man, he raised me as his own in the absence of my father. His birthday is tomorrow, March 6th. My gma and gpa were married for 57 years. She misses him everyday, and we talk about it often.
THis week with the loss of her brother and the bday of her deceased husband and best friend looming, we had alot of talks and reminiscing. She told me a story that was so amazing I have to share.
My grandpa was losing his eyesight slowly but surely. Cataracts/glaucoma and age was just wearing down his vision at a rapid rate. He visited many doctors and my gma administered medicated eye drops daily. My gma was saddened by his failing eye sight and wanted to do something to help. She sought medical advice and was assured it could be done, then approached my gpa. "I want to give you one of my eyes," she told my gpa. He wouldn't hear of it. She went on to explain, "You are my navigator in life, you help me find my way. IF you can't see and lead us, then we are both lost." He refused and the matter was eventually dropped. SHe would have gone through the rest of life with one eye, so my gpa could have sight.
Is there a more obvious example of love (aside from Jesus dying for us)? She had 2, he would have none so why not share with him? She is an amazing little lady that i can learn alot more from about giving of myself. I think we all could.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
i think my power got shut off
In one of my classes this past Friday, we were discussing power. Mostly everyone in the class felt that money is power. I was so angry and frustrated at that assertation and belief. It cut me deep inside and I was seething. I could not express all I wanted to correctly. I felt like I wanted to leave out and just get away from that. I was wondering where Jesus was in all this? I never said that directly because how do you communicate that to a class full of people? I mean, I do not agree that money is power because Jesus is power to me. Also, the full meaning of that to me is that money is good and whoever has it gets to be in charge and that they are better. My family doesn't have money, I have no money ever... I really am pretty darn sure I will never have a surplus of cash either. It's not a goal. It's not important. Does that mean I have no power? In this class, i felt so frustrated completely I was physically uncomfortable. I looked around and realized that very few people are operating on the same system of life that I am. Jesus. Jesus is my operating system. It changes EVERYTHING. Money is no power because money is an earthly thing. The power in this world is usually corrupt and abused. Jesus is the power. God created all these people and their stuff and can blot us out in an instant. That's power. But I felt weird, like how do I communicate with these people that notion of power. In one of my other classes, I mentioned during a presentation that I was a Christian and that that identity colors everything I do and say and want. I feel like my credibility to speak to issues is lost in that class now. Some of the people that I was buddies with, don't really seem to speak to me as much or joke around with me anymore. In most of my classes, race and class and systems of government or hierarchy are discussed. I am a sociology major and my college was awarded the title of most diverse college in America two times in a row by some Harvard research organization so they work issues of diversity into every single class. SO I am constantly discussing these issues... Of the ideas and arguments and work it takes to be a part of this ongoing discussion. I feel like I am overstimulated with hard issues of God, religion, race, power, government, belief, ideology. I dont want to discuss it all anymore. Where is all this discussion leading anyway? I guess maybe money is power. Maybe thats why I was so frustrated, I dont want it to be that way. I don't really like most of the people I meet with lots of money and them having all the power leaves me and everyone else I know and like out in the cold. The implications of all those people in power freaks me out. If I agree that money is power than i am agreeing I have no power. Power to do what? Maybe sin is the power....
Thursday, February 21, 2008
What did you learn today?
I want to give a quick shoutout and THANK YOU to Dave Brecheisen. I chatted briefly with him today and he told me to check out Mark Driscoll. I did and I love it. I appreciate his blunt truth and he makes me laugh.I feel a sense of happiness and relief to hear him say some things I have been thinking but maybe feeling too young in my faith to spell out. here is the best quote I found from him so far:
"You have been told that God is a loving, gracious, merciful, kind, compassionate, wonderful, and good sky fairy who runs a day care in the sky and has a bucket of suckers for everyone because we're all good people. That is a lie... God looks down and says 'I hate you, you are my enemy, and I will crush you,' and we say that is deserved, right and just, and then God says 'Because of Jesus I will love you and forgive you.' This is a miracle."
Bucket of sucker? SKY FAIRY? he kills me. A little harsh, maybe a little too mean but the idea I get. and like.
Undoubtedly more to come on this on. Thanks Dave. Good looking out.
"You have been told that God is a loving, gracious, merciful, kind, compassionate, wonderful, and good sky fairy who runs a day care in the sky and has a bucket of suckers for everyone because we're all good people. That is a lie... God looks down and says 'I hate you, you are my enemy, and I will crush you,' and we say that is deserved, right and just, and then God says 'Because of Jesus I will love you and forgive you.' This is a miracle."
Bucket of sucker? SKY FAIRY? he kills me. A little harsh, maybe a little too mean but the idea I get. and like.
Undoubtedly more to come on this on. Thanks Dave. Good looking out.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Get busy.
Two guys are talking to each other, and one of them says he has a question for God. He wants to ask why God allows all this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world. And his friend says "well, why don't you ask?" The fellow shakes his head and says he is scared. When his friend asks why, he mutters "I'm scared God will ask me the same question."
Over and over, when I ask God why all of these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, "you tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet."
~ The Irresistable Revolution
by Shane Claibourne
I never read this book, nor am I familiar with the author. But this is truth, plain and clear.
I had this conversation lately and it has been plaguing me. I don't argue theology or compare bible verses often. But this person I spoke with recently claimed that we are promised peace on this earth. I disagreed vehemently, and still do. I am not strong in memorizing bible verses ( I wasnt't "Lucky" enough to attend bible college) nor do I sit around and read tons of those soft, mushy Christian authors who spew forth their fluffy meandering ideas about what we should be doing. I get out there, in those streets, and try to do. I read about areas in the world that are broken. I study the city to try to learn about how to work for those that haven't a voice. I see the brokeness first hand and it tears me up inside. I barely do, though. I could do more, with the armor of Christ, to love and be His hands and feet in a dirty, sinful world. Being a part of this broken decimated world, it is hard to hold onto peace and goodness and light especially if you are trying to be a light in dark places. I believe that to be in community with people you don't set yourself apart, you feel their pain and work with them. Christ's peace is found in that, seeing Him restore you so you can love and work for another day. I said once that the life of a Christian is hard and I stand by that. It's about going to where there is hell, and helping to build his kingdom on earth. A little less sitting around, chit chatting with the ladies and reading about how to be a better and more effective Christian, get off it and ACT.
Earth isn't a super special vacation. Our reward is heaven.
I have studied and memorized enough of the Bible to understand and recapitulate here that we are not saved by works. We are saved by our faith. But doesn't that faith breed love? and that love breed a Godly desire for justice and mercy? So logically, I would think that would lead us to action.
Over and over, when I ask God why all of these injustices are allowed to exist in the world, I can feel the Spirit whisper to me, "you tell me why we allow this to happen. You are my body, my hands, my feet."
~ The Irresistable Revolution
by Shane Claibourne
I never read this book, nor am I familiar with the author. But this is truth, plain and clear.
I had this conversation lately and it has been plaguing me. I don't argue theology or compare bible verses often. But this person I spoke with recently claimed that we are promised peace on this earth. I disagreed vehemently, and still do. I am not strong in memorizing bible verses ( I wasnt't "Lucky" enough to attend bible college) nor do I sit around and read tons of those soft, mushy Christian authors who spew forth their fluffy meandering ideas about what we should be doing. I get out there, in those streets, and try to do. I read about areas in the world that are broken. I study the city to try to learn about how to work for those that haven't a voice. I see the brokeness first hand and it tears me up inside. I barely do, though. I could do more, with the armor of Christ, to love and be His hands and feet in a dirty, sinful world. Being a part of this broken decimated world, it is hard to hold onto peace and goodness and light especially if you are trying to be a light in dark places. I believe that to be in community with people you don't set yourself apart, you feel their pain and work with them. Christ's peace is found in that, seeing Him restore you so you can love and work for another day. I said once that the life of a Christian is hard and I stand by that. It's about going to where there is hell, and helping to build his kingdom on earth. A little less sitting around, chit chatting with the ladies and reading about how to be a better and more effective Christian, get off it and ACT.
Earth isn't a super special vacation. Our reward is heaven.
I have studied and memorized enough of the Bible to understand and recapitulate here that we are not saved by works. We are saved by our faith. But doesn't that faith breed love? and that love breed a Godly desire for justice and mercy? So logically, I would think that would lead us to action.
Friday, February 8, 2008
ouch.
I am pissed. Seriously, pissed off. What a freaking day I have had.
-I woke up with an eye infection.
-It continued with missing my appointment with my Spanish tutor early this morning. We got a ridiculous ammount of snow and as I went out to shovel my car out again, my neighbor who drives an unexceptably large conversion van was stuck in the snow. My grandma was yelling for me to come in the house because she didnt want the neighbors to see me out in the street in my white pajama pants with pink chairs on them. I didnt want to wear my pants out because they would get full of snow. So two of the other neighbors and I pushed her unacceptably large van ( I mean she has no kids or large farm animals that she is carting around in this vehicle, she is not a construction worker so she is not hauling anything, what's the point?)out of the hole she burned my flooring the gas pedal (apparently she did not read arloa sutter's recent post about this (www.arloasutter.blogspot.com). Good think I did not have my jeans on becuase I was covered in splattered dirty snow. Then all the neighbors left for work and the block was empty. I got into my car, and realized I was stuck really really badly.
-SO, it was so late already and as I came in the house to catch my breath I see on the TV that the Kennedy expressway is so backed up the travel time was like an hour and half.
I gave up. I went back to bed.
-I got up later and got another poor neighbor to drive my car while I pushed that bad boy out of the snow. I jammed my wrist to high heaven and hurt my back.
-I went to school. I didn't do well on my Spanish test. No more open tutors this week.
-I was supposed to begin a nanny job today that would last the weekend. Alot of money to fix my car and take my cat to the vet and help out a friend in need. I needed it. I was planning on it. I spent about an hour doing laundry and packing for the 4 day weekend away from home. I turned down 3 other jobs for this weekend. The grandma called me and the youngest kid has strep throat and she doesnt feel comfortable leaving them alone with a nanny now.
-So I decide to visit a friend in the city I haven't seen for a while. I get to their house and a car is stuck in the snow and we push it out, further hurting my wrist.
I get home way too late from hanging out.
I feel discouraged about a couple things but am holding on.
-I open my email to find a response from someone I have really been struggling to connect with. Their response really hurt me like I haven't opened myself up to be hurt in a good, long time.
It was just the last straw on a really long, hard day.
My back hurts, my wrist hurts, my eyes hurt and are causing an awful headache but most of all right now my heart hurts and I can't get to sleep. The tears fall and I just keep wondering Why is it the people you think will be there for you, the ones that you really trust to see you, are the first ones to go when things get rough?
I had a bad day today. If only I could let it all go and get some rest, I could put hope in tomorrow.
-I woke up with an eye infection.
-It continued with missing my appointment with my Spanish tutor early this morning. We got a ridiculous ammount of snow and as I went out to shovel my car out again, my neighbor who drives an unexceptably large conversion van was stuck in the snow. My grandma was yelling for me to come in the house because she didnt want the neighbors to see me out in the street in my white pajama pants with pink chairs on them. I didnt want to wear my pants out because they would get full of snow. So two of the other neighbors and I pushed her unacceptably large van ( I mean she has no kids or large farm animals that she is carting around in this vehicle, she is not a construction worker so she is not hauling anything, what's the point?)out of the hole she burned my flooring the gas pedal (apparently she did not read arloa sutter's recent post about this (www.arloasutter.blogspot.com). Good think I did not have my jeans on becuase I was covered in splattered dirty snow. Then all the neighbors left for work and the block was empty. I got into my car, and realized I was stuck really really badly.
-SO, it was so late already and as I came in the house to catch my breath I see on the TV that the Kennedy expressway is so backed up the travel time was like an hour and half.
I gave up. I went back to bed.
-I got up later and got another poor neighbor to drive my car while I pushed that bad boy out of the snow. I jammed my wrist to high heaven and hurt my back.
-I went to school. I didn't do well on my Spanish test. No more open tutors this week.
-I was supposed to begin a nanny job today that would last the weekend. Alot of money to fix my car and take my cat to the vet and help out a friend in need. I needed it. I was planning on it. I spent about an hour doing laundry and packing for the 4 day weekend away from home. I turned down 3 other jobs for this weekend. The grandma called me and the youngest kid has strep throat and she doesnt feel comfortable leaving them alone with a nanny now.
-So I decide to visit a friend in the city I haven't seen for a while. I get to their house and a car is stuck in the snow and we push it out, further hurting my wrist.
I get home way too late from hanging out.
I feel discouraged about a couple things but am holding on.
-I open my email to find a response from someone I have really been struggling to connect with. Their response really hurt me like I haven't opened myself up to be hurt in a good, long time.
It was just the last straw on a really long, hard day.
My back hurts, my wrist hurts, my eyes hurt and are causing an awful headache but most of all right now my heart hurts and I can't get to sleep. The tears fall and I just keep wondering Why is it the people you think will be there for you, the ones that you really trust to see you, are the first ones to go when things get rough?
I had a bad day today. If only I could let it all go and get some rest, I could put hope in tomorrow.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
:(
Some words and things I have just had it up to here with:
1. Changing-time for a change-vote for change-ready for a change-I promise change.
OK, enough. We all want change. Its the new buzz word. It is the new "read my lips no new taxes." Everyone wants a change from Bush.
2. Emergent-emerging church-emerging women-
To emerge: 1. to come forth into view or notice, as from concealment or obscurity: a ghost emerging from the grave; a ship emerging from the fog.
2. to rise or come forth from or as if from water or other liquid.
3. to come up or arise, as a question or difficulty.
4. to come into existence; develop.
5. to rise, as from an inferior or unfortunate state or condition
(I love dictionary.com)
the church has been around for awhile. Women have been around for a while. Stop it already. Please. Thats like calling bottled water emerging. yes its been around awhile but now we package it and sell it so that makes it different, its emerging water. I am going to punch myself in the face.
I am also so sick of Snow that I seriously may lose my mind. Every couple of days, we are getting like 6 inches or more of snow. IF I have to shovel my car out one more time, I may cry. (yes I am lucky to have a car, I KNOW)I am sick of the noise the shovel makes as it hits the pavement, I am sick of the sliding noise the car makes as it gets stuck again in the snow, I am sick of the noise the snowplow makes at 3 in the morning as it plows the street but effectiely buries my car in a mound of filthy snow.I am sick f wearing sopping wet boots in class. I sick of the dog not wanting to go to the bathroom because the snow is too deep. I am tired of snow and cold and dreary. I am going to punch that furry groundhog that said more winter.
1. Changing-time for a change-vote for change-ready for a change-I promise change.
OK, enough. We all want change. Its the new buzz word. It is the new "read my lips no new taxes." Everyone wants a change from Bush.
2. Emergent-emerging church-emerging women-
To emerge: 1. to come forth into view or notice, as from concealment or obscurity: a ghost emerging from the grave; a ship emerging from the fog.
2. to rise or come forth from or as if from water or other liquid.
3. to come up or arise, as a question or difficulty.
4. to come into existence; develop.
5. to rise, as from an inferior or unfortunate state or condition
(I love dictionary.com)
the church has been around for awhile. Women have been around for a while. Stop it already. Please. Thats like calling bottled water emerging. yes its been around awhile but now we package it and sell it so that makes it different, its emerging water. I am going to punch myself in the face.
I am also so sick of Snow that I seriously may lose my mind. Every couple of days, we are getting like 6 inches or more of snow. IF I have to shovel my car out one more time, I may cry. (yes I am lucky to have a car, I KNOW)I am sick of the noise the shovel makes as it hits the pavement, I am sick of the sliding noise the car makes as it gets stuck again in the snow, I am sick of the noise the snowplow makes at 3 in the morning as it plows the street but effectiely buries my car in a mound of filthy snow.I am sick f wearing sopping wet boots in class. I sick of the dog not wanting to go to the bathroom because the snow is too deep. I am tired of snow and cold and dreary. I am going to punch that furry groundhog that said more winter.
weighing it all out
I nanny for lots of families. The family I do regularly lives in Chicago by my school. I am so blessed to know them. They are a wonderful married couple with 2 sons; age 3 and 5 months. I was babysitting for them while the mom was pregnant with the boy who is now five months. The mom stays home while I am there usually and I love it. We tag team the boys and each take one and usually chat about everything as we play. We have become great friends and I feel like part of the family. They really have been a true source of comfort and happiness the past year. I have seen the baby boy grow these past months and take as much joy in him as they do. The thrill I feel as he accomplishes rolling over or his discovery of his own voice which he uses to shriek in a song like manner for several minutes at a time, the sadness I feel when he is sick or crabby- I really love him. The older boy is in preschool and I revel in hearing all about his teachers and his new friends and that the number 7 is his favorite. SO I love them and thank God all the time for the whole family and all they have taught me. The comfort they have provided cannot be measured.
I have had a lot of ups and downs, emotionally speaking, and the Lord truly does give and take away. I have to wonder, is He taking some of these people away for my benefit? I can only hope. I was forced to remove family members from my life and separated from friends I thought I would be close with forever. The pain of those situations still sting, some of the actions and word I will never truly be able to come to peace with for the hurt they caused. I find myself trying to see if the pain that those close to me balances out with the new additions, this family for example, that bring love and joy. I want to smash this scale. I dont want to try to count out my blessings and measure them against my losings/losses/failings.
I pray for forgiveness. Forgiveness that I can extend to others that have hurt me so deeply.
I pray for the ability to enjoy and revel in the blessings that the Lord has heaped on me.
And may I continue to turn my face to the Lord, and know that no blessing is greater than my salvation.
I have had a lot of ups and downs, emotionally speaking, and the Lord truly does give and take away. I have to wonder, is He taking some of these people away for my benefit? I can only hope. I was forced to remove family members from my life and separated from friends I thought I would be close with forever. The pain of those situations still sting, some of the actions and word I will never truly be able to come to peace with for the hurt they caused. I find myself trying to see if the pain that those close to me balances out with the new additions, this family for example, that bring love and joy. I want to smash this scale. I dont want to try to count out my blessings and measure them against my losings/losses/failings.
I pray for forgiveness. Forgiveness that I can extend to others that have hurt me so deeply.
I pray for the ability to enjoy and revel in the blessings that the Lord has heaped on me.
And may I continue to turn my face to the Lord, and know that no blessing is greater than my salvation.
Friday, February 1, 2008
70 times 7, or no?
Where do you draw that line?
One of my greatest attributes is that I can forgive almost anyone for almost anything. I am so seriously flawed, and I appreciate not only God's grace (even though maybe I have a bit of trouble grasping/embracing it) but everyone around me 's extension of it. And I am a Christian, I was saved by grace and forgiveness. Thank Jesus.
One of my biggest faults is that I can forgive almost anyone for almost anything. I can forgive and forgive and get over it again and again and again. I will often say sorry, even when its not my fault exactly, so we can begin the healing process. It's not a fake apology, because I am sorry we fought and a disagreement ensued reproducing anger and hurt feelings. I have very little pride when it comes to this area. Basically, this ends up causing me hurt and enabling people to see/use me as a doormat. People sometimes seem to figure out that I am huge on forgiveness and perhaps, manipulate me or take advantage. They mistake my grace for weakness.
So lately I am faced with the conundrum of where do I draw the line?
Someone once told me that you can forgive someone, but not allow them back into your life to damage you once again. But this is not a picture of true forgiveness.
I have a few people in mind as I write this.
In one case, I am happier with them completely displaced from my life. I have experienced a lifetime of ridiculousness and want to just cut all ties. But the Bible tells me I have to forgive. I am haunted by the fact that Jesus has forgiven me for giving up on Him like 9 million times and where would I be without that? Damned, literally. SO I should go on ahead and work through this,but I dont want to and I feel it is detrimental to my mental health to be in contact with this person. So what do you do?
In the other case, I want this person to be near me all the time, but they keep doing things that make me hurt.They are messed up, in need of grace, just like me. I feel my grace tank is running on empty lately though. But Jesus's is never on empty and that is who I ultimately want to emulate.
When I die and come face to face with God, how will I answer for myself and my unwillingness to forgive? What if God chooses to punish me for those choices to banish people from me to save myself some pain? What if God chose to banish me to save himself the hurt I cause with my sin? And further more, dissension in His kingdom hurts the Lord. How can I say that I am a kingdom builder when I am not repairing relationships in my own life? It doesnt seem possible though.
When do you give up this fight?
someone answer me.
One of my greatest attributes is that I can forgive almost anyone for almost anything. I am so seriously flawed, and I appreciate not only God's grace (even though maybe I have a bit of trouble grasping/embracing it) but everyone around me 's extension of it. And I am a Christian, I was saved by grace and forgiveness. Thank Jesus.
One of my biggest faults is that I can forgive almost anyone for almost anything. I can forgive and forgive and get over it again and again and again. I will often say sorry, even when its not my fault exactly, so we can begin the healing process. It's not a fake apology, because I am sorry we fought and a disagreement ensued reproducing anger and hurt feelings. I have very little pride when it comes to this area. Basically, this ends up causing me hurt and enabling people to see/use me as a doormat. People sometimes seem to figure out that I am huge on forgiveness and perhaps, manipulate me or take advantage. They mistake my grace for weakness.
So lately I am faced with the conundrum of where do I draw the line?
Someone once told me that you can forgive someone, but not allow them back into your life to damage you once again. But this is not a picture of true forgiveness.
I have a few people in mind as I write this.
In one case, I am happier with them completely displaced from my life. I have experienced a lifetime of ridiculousness and want to just cut all ties. But the Bible tells me I have to forgive. I am haunted by the fact that Jesus has forgiven me for giving up on Him like 9 million times and where would I be without that? Damned, literally. SO I should go on ahead and work through this,but I dont want to and I feel it is detrimental to my mental health to be in contact with this person. So what do you do?
In the other case, I want this person to be near me all the time, but they keep doing things that make me hurt.They are messed up, in need of grace, just like me. I feel my grace tank is running on empty lately though. But Jesus's is never on empty and that is who I ultimately want to emulate.
When I die and come face to face with God, how will I answer for myself and my unwillingness to forgive? What if God chooses to punish me for those choices to banish people from me to save myself some pain? What if God chose to banish me to save himself the hurt I cause with my sin? And further more, dissension in His kingdom hurts the Lord. How can I say that I am a kingdom builder when I am not repairing relationships in my own life? It doesnt seem possible though.
When do you give up this fight?
someone answer me.
Mercury- not the planet.
I was super excited about those new lightbulbs that are suposedly better for the environment and better for your pocketbook. Plus, they have a cool shape -like a corkscrew. But watching the news (Channel 5- NBC.com) tonight got me seriously concerned. I have them in all my bulbs, I got my gma some and encouraged my boyfriends to get some to. The City of Chicago was giving 2 free bulbs away to low income households in December. The report on the news tonight showed that when the bulbs break Mercury is released! The woman who was being interviewed was upset because it cost her 2000 dollars to get the mercury out of her carpet, but I'm way more concerned about the health and environmental aspects of this release of mercury. I break stuff all the time, and if I break one of these new lightbulbs its serious! And what about when they burn out and we throw them out? I am sure 99.9% of them break. The report said an answer to this is to recycle them but who seriously takes the time to recycle a lightbulb? And you have to recycle them at a special HazMat (hazardous materials) place. What is going to happen when the 30 million that were sold last year alone (stats courtesy of NBC ten o clock news)find their way to the garbage dump and break and then all that mercury is exposed?
Check it out at NBC.com.
Worth worrying about a little.
Check it out at NBC.com.
Worth worrying about a little.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
a ho is more than a garden tool
I like hip hop just as much as anyone else. A constant struggle I have is thoroughly enjoying songs that not only do not give glory to God in any way, but these songs also many times defile His creations and elicit sinful activities. BUT those beats are just killing and I can't deny it. I especially love the songs that talk about or have super simple dance steps that sweep the nation as a new dance craze like lean with it rock with it, walk it out, laffy taffy, you get it? Alot of times with this genre of music, I never buy the CD or anything i just hear it on WGCI/the radio where they censor out some of the particularly offensive words which doesnt always give me the entire picture of what the artist is saying. And some lyrics that seem blatantly obvious to others, escape me. SO ok, the Superman Song by Soldier Boy? Everyone and their mother likes this song. It's EVERYWHERE! Even Regis and Kelly had the artist Soldier Boy on and he performed live after teaching them the dance that goes to his song. They pulled up children and old people from the audience to participate and be back up dancers. Some college bball coach made a video of himself doing the "soldier boy" dance. An advanced ballet class filled with young dancers performed a en pointe routine to this song and posted it on youtube. All these previously mentioned videos are available on YOU TUBE as are like 73 million others.
Am I taking crazy pills? This song is saying "crank that soldier boy, superman that Ho."
I am not going to disclose here exactly what a superman is, email if you need clarification (please don't :) ), but it is a seriously disgusting and demeaning sexual act. I cant believe that all these people are dancing to this song like it's the theme to the Mickey Mouse club or something.
I think that we are so oversexualized in America that we just think this is no big deal. This has been on my mind lately and I am shocked, so blown away, that everyone is getting down to this song with the kids.
Am I taking crazy pills? This song is saying "crank that soldier boy, superman that Ho."
I am not going to disclose here exactly what a superman is, email if you need clarification (please don't :) ), but it is a seriously disgusting and demeaning sexual act. I cant believe that all these people are dancing to this song like it's the theme to the Mickey Mouse club or something.
I think that we are so oversexualized in America that we just think this is no big deal. This has been on my mind lately and I am shocked, so blown away, that everyone is getting down to this song with the kids.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Responding
I support Barack Obama in his bid to be the next president of the United States. Here is a short video of his response to our current president's State of the Union Address. In this 5 minute video, I feel his true frustration (that mirrors my own) of the broken politics in Washington. This response also exemplifies many of the reasons that I feel supporting Obama is the best choice in this election.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmNCALGHOC4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmNCALGHOC4
Saturday, January 26, 2008
gritty streets in my life
I feel as if I have an absence of positive female leadership in my life. I have grown up so long without a strong Christian influence, albeit a female one, that I am not sure how to handle the advent of one now. I also am very closed off to sharing about my life. I recently have been inundated with this term and idea of being transparent. How terrifying and what a true test of being accountable. I am at such a weird place, being 28 but in college, being mature in the dealings of the streets and Chicago and life in all its hardships and failings, yet so young in the faith. I am craving women to come alongside me and teach me, but terrified to be judged and even more scared to have these relationships fail because of my harshness or stubborness or the inability of these long time Christian women to speak to me in a voice I can understand. I am at this new church and want to reach out and meet people but find myself scared they will see me for who I am, a messed up sinner so desperately in need of God's grace. WHy do I constantly feel that my sins are worse than everyone else's? I clearly know and communicate to people who think that they are too messed up for Christ or that He has forgotten them that God is big enough for all that. And I believe that. When i visit the homeless under the bridges in the dark, cold of Chicago winters and find them engaging in illegal and immoral activities I hug them and say No, God has not forgotten you, ya dig? He loves you and all this sin and bad stuff doesn't matter. When people often feel worse than others or that their sins and indiscretions are so bad I remind them of this story I once heard from a pastor in the city, that as God looks down from Heaven upon the sins of the world they all look the same. A lie is as sinful as murder as sexual immorality as worshipping false idols. All are sins and all can be forgiven due to Christ's death on the cross. Its like looking down upon a house and the Sears tower from space, the difference in height from earth is monumental and overpowering but from so far beyond us up above they look about the same.
Then, knowing all this, believing all this,,, why am I so ashamed of my indiscretions? Why do I still feel so guilty and horrible and seriously paralyzed by fear of people finding out that I do bad things, just like everyone else?
I dont know.
Then, knowing all this, believing all this,,, why am I so ashamed of my indiscretions? Why do I still feel so guilty and horrible and seriously paralyzed by fear of people finding out that I do bad things, just like everyone else?
I dont know.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Old church New church Gray church Blue church
I have been searching for a new church lately. I have been very aware of my neccesity for a group to be a part of. I feel a sense of loneliness, and want to fill this void with people that will assist me in my deep yearning to come closer to Christ. I don't want a trendy church, I want a sound doctrine and a preacher who is not afraid to tell me how it is. In my last church I just never felt comfortable. I kept pushing that feeling away and thought that was just me being hard ans scared, but the truth was that church was not a good fit for me. I attended this new church about two weeks ago and then again this week and I really like it. My first week there I filled out a welcome card and about two days later someone actually called me! They left a voicemail with a number and an email address to get in touch. Being me, of course I did not call back, my mind was busy and I just didn't get to it. I also was not sold on this new church and I didn't really want to chat unless I was sure I wanted to go there on a more regular basis. I received an email the next day inquiring about my visit to the church and asking if I had any needs or prayer requests. Then, I received a letter from the pastor in the mail personally inviting me to attend another service and learn more followed my a personal handwritten card from another lady in the church letting me know she was praying for me. Still I did not call or contact them. Then, I received a second phone call and second email. I responded to the email and have been in contact with the lady in charge of women's ministry ever since. I was floored by their interest in me and felt special. I am excited to attend further services and see how I continue to grow at this new church possibly my new church home. Their care and attention to me from the moment they knew that I had visited really won me over and endeared me to the congregation. I am scared a little to get to know people there, as I always am, but also maybe a little hopeful that I can come into contact with some Christ loving examples who I can learn from.
As I drove to school last week, the traffic was very heavy on the expressway. I always pass this enormous gray church with a steep slanting roof that comes to a total point on the top. Hundreds upon hundreds of pigeons perch there and it looks funny because you wonder how they all sit there and not slide off. Now having read a fair share of books on ornithology (the study of birds) I know they are sitting there warming themselves in the morning and getting their body temps up by basking in the sun. But, they all seem to huddle together and my mind was in a dreamy mood. I daydreamed about those birds and thought of how they all liked to come together and sit on the church and be in communion with the Lord. How they always seemed to return to the spot to be with each other and enjoy the sunlight that shone on this House of God. As more and more birds landed in the roof and they all adjusted to make room, I thought about how this was like the idea of church in a way. People coming together to celebrate life and warm ourselves in this cold world with God's love. It is people choosing to come together. The birds could have landed anywhere but they choose to crowd onto this roof. That is what I want in a church, I want to choose to go there and love the people there. It just seemed lacking something in my old church. I was very disappointed and broken hearted when I did not feel spiritually content in the first church I found.
There is this gospel song I love and at one point the man talks softly over the music. His voice is calming and he speaks of church. He says "Salvation can be yours. Don't wait, tomorrow isnt promised to you. You can have salvation today-------now wont you come." I love that part where I feel he is inviting, but thats not the most important church part, he goes on to say "There is no perfect church. If there is a perfect church, it stopped being perfect when you and I walked through the doors.... but there is perfect God."
I am not looking for perfection, just somewhere to belong with other dedicated followers of Christ.
As I drove to school last week, the traffic was very heavy on the expressway. I always pass this enormous gray church with a steep slanting roof that comes to a total point on the top. Hundreds upon hundreds of pigeons perch there and it looks funny because you wonder how they all sit there and not slide off. Now having read a fair share of books on ornithology (the study of birds) I know they are sitting there warming themselves in the morning and getting their body temps up by basking in the sun. But, they all seem to huddle together and my mind was in a dreamy mood. I daydreamed about those birds and thought of how they all liked to come together and sit on the church and be in communion with the Lord. How they always seemed to return to the spot to be with each other and enjoy the sunlight that shone on this House of God. As more and more birds landed in the roof and they all adjusted to make room, I thought about how this was like the idea of church in a way. People coming together to celebrate life and warm ourselves in this cold world with God's love. It is people choosing to come together. The birds could have landed anywhere but they choose to crowd onto this roof. That is what I want in a church, I want to choose to go there and love the people there. It just seemed lacking something in my old church. I was very disappointed and broken hearted when I did not feel spiritually content in the first church I found.
There is this gospel song I love and at one point the man talks softly over the music. His voice is calming and he speaks of church. He says "Salvation can be yours. Don't wait, tomorrow isnt promised to you. You can have salvation today-------now wont you come." I love that part where I feel he is inviting, but thats not the most important church part, he goes on to say "There is no perfect church. If there is a perfect church, it stopped being perfect when you and I walked through the doors.... but there is perfect God."
I am not looking for perfection, just somewhere to belong with other dedicated followers of Christ.
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