Sudhir Venkatesh

Sometimes I can just feel when a book is going to be amazing. I know its going to invogorate me and change me up. I know that before reading "Gang leader for a day" by the "rogue sociologist" Sudhir Venkatesh. I get a little nervous before reading these books, I put it off and look at the cover alot as if I am not yet ready for the wealth of information and motivation it is going to provide.

I cracked it last night and read like 100 pages. The foreword said that the Sudhir has an overdeveloped curiosity and an underdeveloped sense of fear. I laughed because that is something my grandma and grampa have said about me for years. Sudhir says he is not interested in being a stuffy scientific sociologist and that through math and those surveys you cant get to really know people. I am not interested in all that scientific quantitative stuff but I am getting a sociology degree. People ask me all the time what my career will be and it is the same as when I was little, I want to work with the poor in Chicago. I know it will be working for equality across class and race lines. Thats it. Thats all I know. Much to the dismay of others, I lack lofty financial aspirations. I just need t make enough for me, a small apartment, a dog and cat, and an occasional trip to Target!!! :)

But when I read people like Sudhir I get excited. I will let you know how it reads out.

Sidenotes:

People with Nevada license plates tend to be more agressive, taunting drivers.

I will see my sissy in like 5 hours, I cant wait.

Motel Six is not bad, They leave the light on for you too.

I miss my cat! ISnt that silly? My sisters friend is watching her and sent a picture today and I got all wistful and sad.

Cash Rules Everything Around Me?

I am currently reading "There are no white picket fences here: structural racism and community revitalization methods in Cabrini Green" by Lakeasha Garner.

Structural racism is a sneaky, elusive little bastard. You cant see it, like the old racism of KKK and "no coloreds" signs. Its hidden, its cleaned up and tucked under tight lipped smiles and redlining procedures. Its institutionalized. I have had countless conversations on which was the greater evil; blatant racism or institutional/structural racism. They are very different. The conclusion is always that the latter is more damaging, to more people, in a way that is not as easy to combat. If you smile to my face, but dog me behind my back then it is not as easy to fight you. Thats an incomplete broken down version of that kind of racism. It seeps into government and society, and there is always an excuse for it.

Housing projects are examples of the long term effects of structural racism in the real estate field. As Blacks moved North to escape the Jim Crow laws and practices of the South, they were not free to live anywhere. They were redlined, or "steered" to the South side (present day Bronzeville) and then eventually the West side. The housing projects were originally for the European immigrant workers but they were able to assimilate into the White classes and the North bound (freedom seeking) Blacks were arriving en masse. The real estate practices like denying loans for minority buyers and encouraging buyers to buy in racially homogenous neighborhoods have resulted in stark racial segregation today. The Black neighborhoods became impoverished due to racism, and a resulting lack of employment and oppportunities available. These public housing developments have served to create a feeling of isolation both economically and racially. But is it a good thing they are coming down?

I am torn. Having been in and all around Cabrini I can say confidentally that they are an example of hell of earth. No need to go into any more detail, I am sure we all watch the news and see the obcession with violence and drama. Its a true haven and breeding ground for drugs, sex, abuse, crime, violence, just Brokenness and sin.

But admist this hell on earth, these people have built a community. I have no place to be judging anyone who be living there, I dont know them...I dont live their life so I cant know enough to make their choices. But the community ties are obvious. Being lower income, there is a great deal of sharing and interdependence going on with the residents. If they dont have it, someone else does or knows how to get it for cheap. Its a sense of home among the violence and nightmarishness.

There are stories passed around though, like a game of telephone, that ignorant people cling to. I believe its an attempt to justify, to reconcile, to make themselves feel better about why we allow people to live in that situation, about the obvious racial issue at the heart of these dilapidated projects. They go like this: That the Black people ruined the projects, that when built they were glittering towers of free housing, the residents were so ignorant they removed their screen doors and put them over their bathtubs to create a supersize grill, no one there works, they take advantage, white people are killed for going in there.....
Really? Yeah and according to the movie from the 90's, the Candyman lives there too and he is made of bumblebees and comes out from behind the bathroom mirror to kill you.

All of this leads to a question of was it right to tear down these "projects" and displace the people?

Well, the motives are what matters.

The area around Cabrini is hot property now!!!!!! In the shadow of downtown... The city all of a sudden wants that useless land thay they exiled the black people to early in the century. They can take it and sell it to white yuppies who want to be just ouside the downtown area and have condos with elevators. But what is most upsetting to me is that Mayor Daley is trying to reactivate the white flight phenomenon. White flight isnt really a phenomenon, actually. Its when whites move to escape minority's. Daley has said several times he wants to bring the people with money back to the city. And what does that mean? What does that look like? How do you do that? Well, you get rid of the people that scared them out in the first place. But its not enough to just tear down those projects and create million dollar condo's for them, we need to push the former residents out into the suburbs (further stimulus for relocation of heavily white residents in suburbia). Ta-daa! White flight back to city. Its a perfect storm. A sick one, being ground in greed, profit and fear but a mastermind plan to get what they want.

Also other businesses that jumped at the chance to snatch up a pretty parcel of land (hey.. what up Park Church?) completly ignorant to what they are doing to the area.

Same thing on the West side! Ooh all that pretty land around the Garfield Park Conservatory, lets sell that now! We wondered why the park was being redone and the only stop on the Green Line to be aesthetically pleasing ws the Conservatory not to mention the neighborhood library being built...

Sometimes i wonder, just who the Urban Ministry's will be serving in a few years? I am sure their biggest dreams are to be able to go out of business because everyone is loving Christ, self sufficient and communities are working together but thats not realistic. I believe that these new residents need to see and experience the realness of Christ as much as the ones they will be replacing, but most Urban ministries I have seen are not structured to cater to that middle and upper middle class population.

I got off track somewhere up there. But look for a small series of future posts detailing the feminization of poverty and then the overrepresentation of Black males in prisons and the reasons I found after seeking an answer in the DePaul and Chicago Library's and Sociology Dept at DePaul.

Gotta learn before you can make a difference.

The Olympics

I like sports. I do. I played sports; gymnastics, baseball, cheerleading (its a sport), swimming, one year of basketball (i sucked it up), I even was on track for half a year in high school.

I usually like the Olympics, summer ones especially for the swimming and gymnastics.

I will NOT watch this year.

The games are in China, who has been proven to be supporting and supplying the Government in Darfur with money and tons of guns and ammunitions. The Sudan supplies China with all of its oil. Neither side is shy about this partnership, its common knowledge. The genocide in Darfur, perpetrated by the government against its people, is also common knowledge.

Besides the act of supplying the Janjaweed with tools with which to slaughter millions of people, there are countless human rights violations in Beijing and other areas of China.

I like sports and recreational activities, I support them, I enjoy them, I relish in them. Wheeeee.

But not more than I like life, and morality and what's obviously right. ANd supporting the Olympics this summer is not right. Can we look the other way and celebrate health and sports and fun while their is a genocide going on?

This would be like having Germany hold the Olympics during the Holocaust. That would have been ridiculous. This isnt different. Why do we need to have years elaspsed since an event such as a mass genocide to understand its consequences or ramification? Why does it take so long to get a conscience?

This is wrong. China is making the genocide possible. Now we just want to hang out and watch them host the Olympics which is a display of countries coming together anr exhibiting sportsmanship and good conduct and sport prowess. Its a symbol of freedom and globalization and unity. It an attempt for the world to all get along and drink Coca Cola.

I am boycotting the Olympics.

Go to www.dreamfordarfur.org and see whats up there.

Seriously, dont wait years to look back and think you should have done something. Answer back now.


Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
--MLK from Birmingham jail

Merry Maids?

I love summer because I get to read what I want. I get into this groove and read like 3 books a week. Sometimes I think I learn more useful knowledge in the summer that in a quarter at college! I dont read romancy girly crap novels. I read books that make my sister and friends cringe. They are case studies of urban issues, sociological meanderings on race and class, social structural dissertations and other non fiction but riveting material (with a Paulo Coeltho fiction thrown in perhaps). Can i sound more boring and weird? Not if I tried. But I love it. My eyes are bigger than my watch and brain capacity as I go to the library and get out 10 books at a time, knowing full well not only will these books never ever be back on time but they will not all be fully read. I stalk the used section at Amazon.com and spend a few hours a summer laying in the social science section of the bookstores. I like books. I like reading. I like learning.

Right now, I am reading Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Enhrenreich. Its ok. I am familiar with low wage labor and the problems that can cause so this was not extremely eye opening experience but I enjoyed the premise and her gumption to give up her life and assume the role of a low wage worker across America to see how it is done.
I babysit (nanny) for some rather wealthy families in the all too notorious North Shore area. I have spent the last few days at work daydreaming of these women caring and being so interested in the low wage labor that frequents their communities and houses that they undertake an experiment like this. Its all fun to me to think of this as I smile at the cleaning ladies as I usher the kids outside and clear of the monster vaccuums. Or as I offer a cold drink of water to the army of landscaping guys, I think of the situations being switched and these tired, sweaty men languishing about in enormous mansions where they "work from home" in air conditioned home offices for an hour a day then jet off to the country club for some "much needed" relaxation.

Excuse my bitterness. My job is pretty easy, and for the most part I love the kids.

The one thing I will be taking away from this book and amazing experiment Barbara undertook is when she says that she never had a cleaning lady. As she herself assumes the role of a merry maid, she comiserates on why she never in all her comfortablility and upper middle class existence, never hired a maid or maidS. SHe says that is not the kind of relationship she ever wanted to have with another human. That sentence was just revolutionary for me. TO employ someone else, to monitor someone else whose sole responsibility was to clean up after you was not the relationship Barbara wanted to have with another human. Thats all she said on that. But it was the most powerful sentence in the book to me. My gma has a cleaning lady because she insists on keeping her house even in her tiny, stooped, brittle old age. Kasia only comes once every two weeks and just vaccuums the carpets and cleans the bathroom and kitchen. And had lunch and chats with gran. She doesnt do laundry, or change sheets, or clean the basement or my upstairs. I offered to do this for Gran now that I am here, but my cleaning skills are not known to be transcendiary or prized. And Kasia has been around for 7 years or so, they spend as much time talking and eating and petting the dog as she does cleaning. But I am off the subject....
I hate cleaning and sometimes dreamed about one day getting a cleaning lady to come to my home. But after that sentence by Barbara and reading the book and really thinking... NO, because thats not the relationship I want to have with another human being either.

That statement seemed to have Christian written all over it, but alas, Barbara is a declared atheist. But to not want to have a shallow, purely demeaning relationship with another human that involves them just cleaning up after you and establishes a hierarchy of power the way that most cleaning situations do, thats good stuff. Thats really looking at things and setting up a heaven on earth. Most cleaning ladies get paid meager wages. Perhaps you are reading this and thinking what is the big deal? But my experiences in these BEYOND wealthy homes as hired help and then witnessing first hand the cleaning ladies and their experiences, compounded with reading this book with an insider view of low wage labor in America and getting further input of the demeaning nature...I am going to say that NO, thats not the relationship I ever want to have with another human. I just feel that is right. I want to buy multiple copies of this book and leave in the homes in which I work. Think they will read it?
You should.

Happy Father's Day

I hate today. I always hated today. I dont have a father. I am so used to saying that, that it rolls off my tongue with no emotion. Sometimes people say the obvious: YOu have to have a father or you wouldnt have been born. Usually that was when I was kid and we had just been through 5th grade health class where we learned it took a mommy and a daddy. But I dont have a father. I had a father, but he was a jerk. He abused my mother and us and we left him when I was young. I still dont feel I have all the details. We had visits for a year or so after we left, but then no more. The last time I saw him I was 4 or 5. I have few memories of him but they are clear and not pleasant. I rarely talk about him to anyone, but his legacy is always with me. The empty part of my heart is never filled or fixed. The resulting negative impact on my mother he made, which she in turn passed on to us made it a double whammy of sorts. I see my loss and pain because of it. I see my sisters pain and loss because of it. I remember finding a book once in my mothers bedroom, it was called "How to Dad; a book for single mothers." I remember looking at it and thinking, that sucks she has to learn to be both. I hate Fathers day, I hate daddy daughter dances, and I am instantly jealous anytime I see a little girl walking with a man that may be her dad. I was driving home from work the other day and I counted 7 possible dads walking hand in hand with their small daughters, one on shoulders. I was jealous of them. I am not totally sure why the visits or talks with my dad stopped. I have heard a few stories: he was a jerk, he was not consistent, we (sissy and I) didnt want to see him anymore after him and his new girlfriend broke up, it was our decision... etc. And i worry that it was my decision. But who lets a four or five year old child and her six year old sister make that decision? I want that last day back. One of my memories was of the last time I saw him. We were in the parking lot of his apartment building, me in the front seat and Kim in the back. As we pulled into the parking lot, he told us that him and his girlfriend (Karen?) had broken up and she wasnt there. Then he asked us if we wanted to stay and we shook out heads no. Then he angrily began turning the car around and driving us home to my grandparents. I remember wanting the radio on so bad but knowing if I opened my mouth to talk I would cry. So instead I just sat there pointing at the knob on the radio. Thats it. Thats the last time. Its one of 3 memories I have of him. I have no pictures. I have no nothing. I have no stories. My sister and I have talked a fewe times about trying to contact him, but we dont know how and no one is willing to help us. I worry that if I try to find him, he may be dead and then I will freak out. I feel like I need to see him, I need to know he exists. I want to see my father. My mom used to say he would just mess up our lives and that he would wrek havok on all of us. He could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman holding white gloves or something. She used to ask me what I would even say to him and I said I just want to look at him for a few minutes. I said another time I wanted to ask why? Why didnt he ever try to find me? Her answer sometimes was that he had problems and his parents were bad to him. She said that he probaly has a whole other family. I want to know if he blocked us out. I want a chance to forgive him, even if he cant say sorry. I think that could fix that piece of me that tears me apart as hard as I try to push it down and away into the deepest part of my stomach. I am 28, I thought I would be over it by now. I thought i would lose that part of me that wants her dad. But its here. And I still HATE HATE HATE fathers day.


I was cleaning out a drawer in my grandma's attic awhile ago and I found this poem. It was on a crumbled piece of dirty lined paper in my unmistakable printing. I dont remember writing this, but its my feelings. I read it and it felt like home. I wrote it in 1999.

Oliver James

I had a dream last night
whilst all the rest slept
I've woken with a terrible fright

I dreamt of a ghost
Last night in this dream
not a hallowed terrific figure
but a ghost from the past.
I dreamt of my father
or rather, what he would be
what he should be
what he could be

He came to me in this dream
we did not embrace
even my dreaming, lying mind could not
concoct such an oddity
We merely just were.
As a father and offspring should be,
or as they 2 could be.

I didnt ask why never...
how could I finish that question,
2 fatherless children
1 husbandless wife
we made our own
the way it was

So in my facade
we just were
questions left dangling in the sparse air between us,
and I looked.


I looked at the man who I was,
whose own blood and life I possessed.
Whose disposition I rebuked.
Whose paranoia I fought every living day.
Who had caused me no little ammount of loneliness
Who I blamed for more than he could assume
the man who never knew me
but in this dream there was no bitterness,loneliness or sorrow
just a fullnes of heart
a rest of mind
my eyes could stop looking so hard
Finally, i was complete.

But then,
I awoke to the light of day
to find, NO
and then back-
back to wandering, wondering, waiting.
and back to the sadness in my heart.

Back to the bottom of the hill
so I could begin the battling ascent
back to searching the face of every man
for the one man I wanted the most
the one man who knew me the least
yet alluded me nevermore.

Break broke broken

I saw this sentence awhile ago on Kevin Gwins blog, I think: Broken things break things.
It messed me up to think about the serious and utter obvious truth up in that.

broken things break things.
Breaking things is a result of brokennes
brokeness is from breaking
broke attracts broke resulting in more breaking and brokeness
broke
break
broken

What fixes it all? Love. Specifically, Jesus' love.

But when you are so broken, its hard to access that.
Being broken is apart from God, and the answer is to seek God.
But being broken is the opposite of that, and when you are broken you dont see it or you cant get it --- Thats why you are broken.

you are broken, so you break more.

Trio

So I got accepted to a program at DePaul University. Its called the Trio program. It is for first generation college students from low income families. I had to be interviewed to see if I have an "at risk" profile. I do. That doesnt make me feel any better. When one of the ladies met with me to tell me I was accepted, she added that I am the only white student in the program. Apparently they will help me finish school. Its funny and I have never really admitted this before I was talking to the lady in the program, but I dont see myself finishing college. Dont get me wrong, I want to so bad but it seems like an unrealistic goal or expectation for me. I dream, big dreams alot, but thats what they seem to be: dreams. I told the lady that and she just looked at me, she said that was sad. I think it hurt to realize that. I am a junior now, so that means 2 more years. Thats a long time to be in this same place physically, financially, speaking.

Kick bricks.

I never did get around to writing about my feelings on immigration.

I can only look at it from one point of view: Loving all people as Christ would want me to.

From that viewpoint, its not really an issue any further. I love people and that makes me not want them to suffer. Loving people makes me want to give them what they need. Loving people makes me want to sacrifice what I have.

I dont care about borders and political systems and all that noise with this issue. I mean, I appreciate the way i am able to live in America. I am blessed, so fortunate to have been born here as opposed to being born in a war torn, 3rd world country. I had no hand in that and all thanks belongs to the Lord for blessing me with being born with abundant resources that America offers (food, house, opportunities for education, limited oppression as a woman, freedom of religion especially to practice Christianity). The Lord blessed me with all this- how can I say I am better than others or more suited to live here than those that need to come here or even want to come here? Most people from other countries that come here that I have worked with or met, came here out of necesity; to support their families back home. They arent here because America is more fun or because they want to topple the government.

I get emails from certain members of my family saying that because of Mexicans specifically, the school system and health systems are toppling and that it sucks to pay taxes and have others benefit from that. It could be THE most selfish thing I know of to not allow starving and threatened people into our safe and food rich country. I throw away more food a day than people in other countries probaly get in a week. Its sick and twisted.

Ok so not only is it selfish, and some people read my blog that arent best friends with Jesus- for that sake I will just say its morally despicable to deny others a chance to eat, live, support their families, basically NOT DIE because we are afraid of not living as well off.

Let's redefine necessity for a second.

Right, so we want our kids to go to freaking Harvard and drive too big cars and other people just want their kids to eat and not die.

I mean when you put things into real life and death perspective, this whole immigration thing is not really an actual issue of what to do. It's what not to do: Dont bar people from coming into our country who need food and help to survive.

"But oh we send so much aid there."
Right but um, its not getting to everyone that needs it. So what are we saying, stay there and suffer war, disease, hunger, famine, genocide because we sent 25 dollars to some fund this month?

"Why dont all those people who want to come here go home and make their countries better?"
wow, great point but that takes time. And the poor people dont always have food let alone guns, weapons of mass destruction, military mobilization, etc. How do you fight the Taliban if you are hungry? Our freaking troops cant even find them, let alone fight them and they have lots of resources. And Mexico? even the police are corrupt there. Who do you call to help you? We dump all our garbage there across the border, what message is that sending to the people?

It just seems so freaking OBVIOUS. We have the room. We have the resources.

Have you seen Winnetka lately? Each house there can take half of a small country and feed and shelter them. I am going a little overboard but cmon. People are dying and suffering so we can hang out comfortably. Thats wrong no matter who and what you believe in.

Gran

There was alot of places I wanted to celebrate Memorial Day today, a few BBQ's that sounded fun and I was craving some alone time with my boyfriend. But none of that happened....

I live with my grandma and since my grandpa died five years ago this Fathers Day, she gets very lonely and sad. My mom is usually over here to celebrate these holidays and she plans and her husband cooks and I can opt to be here or not. But my mom went to Florida and the other day my grandma was complaining that she had nothing to do for memorial day. So I planned a BBQ for just us. I was laying in bed this morning and a little sad that I had to stay home all day. Its very calm and quiet here and sometimes I feel like I am missing out on life. But tonight was fun. We bought alot of vegetables and some beef to assemble shish ka bobs and cooked some corn on the cob. I blackened almost everything a little bit and definitely burned off ALL of the hair on the my right arm and hand. (I feel the instructions on the charcoal lighter should perhaps be more specific and, well, instructive!) Then, I got the bright idea to make smores. We only had small marshmallows and I was challenged to brown them. We had fun and I realized I am lucky to be able to know my Grandma so well. Before my grandpa died, I had a conversation with him where I promised to take care of my grandma and I feel peaceful that I am fulfilling that promise to him. I do love her and days like today I am thrilled to be here and do things to make her happy.

Alot of times I get caught up in making others outside my house happy and feel so passionate about alleviating sadness, loneliness, pain and I forget that there is a tiny little lonely granny at home waiting for me to brighten up her day.

right where I'm supposed to be

Last night I went to the DePaul Gospel Choir spring concert. It was okay...There was a woman that was preaching in the middle of the concert and she said something that was cool: She said that God puts you where He wants you and then she went on to give a ton of examples. One of the ones she said was, "You are on that bus for a reason. God put you there for a reason." I didnt really feel moved especially by anything she said at the time, but today I was pleased to find her words ring true.

I was taking the bus home from the train station this afternoon. (I am not loving the patience that public transportation takes but it is slowing me down and creating space for thinking and reflecting) As I waited for the bus, a lady asked me what time the bus comes and after I told her she didnt stop talking until after we boarded the bus, took our seats and then arrived at my stop and I departed. She just began spilling her life out to me, I mean she wove this sordid tale of an abusive husband and 2 children who are grown and do not talk to her and she cant find them and she just moved to Niles from Lincoln Square neighborhood and is amazed how downhill her old neighborhood has gone. She had just come from there and saw a fight between a homeless man and a gangbanger with a baby in tow over turf. She went on and on and did stop once and ask about my work situation. I did not have time to ask her many questions, she jsut seemed to want to pour out her situation. The bus was loud and she spoke quietly, I kept missing words and phrases but she did not seem to be concerned. At first, I kept thinking why is she telling me this? What does she want me to do to help? I also was a little uncomfortable at first, I mean I am very not into sharing personal details of my life with anyone and here this woman was spilling details of her life into my hands as we waited for the bus on a warm windy Saturday in Chicago. Later, as she continued talking aboard the bus I was thinking how do I tell her Jesus loves her? How do I work that in, because I am sure THAT is what I am supposed to do, That has got to be why God put me here...
Then I realized- Maybe I am just here to listen. Thats it. To listen and smile and tell her to have a good day. ITs weird that just listening and smiling and caring can be enough, life's problems seem so much more serious than that.

But God has me on that bus. He will have me on the bus, and train, and bus again all week long. Its more than money. I need that time to requaint myself with the city and to see the people in a way that I have lost lately. I need that time to learn patience as I wait for the bus. I need to be on that bus to have the chance to make someone's day by smiling, laughing, listening, talking, giving up my seat, helping someone on with packages or strollers, etc. I think I have been shying away from interacting with people for a while and now this is God's way of introducing me back into where he wants me to be.

As I grumble about the many events that have culminated in my decision to divorce my car for a week, God has blessed me with a way to serve. He has put me somewhere that while challenging and different from my normal routine, will give me the motivation in serving and loving and interacting with others. I have been lacking in this area and my spiritual life and relationship with God has visibly suffered.

I am Boycotting my car

Gas prices in the nation are high, but nowhere are they higher than in Chicago. We have the nations highest average price of gas. By my campus, at the intersection of Fullerton and Ashland is THE most expensive gas in the nation at the BP Amoco station. It was all over the news, news crews were there and so were newspaper journalists. People are still going there, I am like WHY? Why are you doing that?

I got 5 tickets. 5. Over the course of last week and this week I received 5 parking tickets. So I drive to school because I can be there is about 15 minutes but taking the train or bus(es) takes me an hour at least. There is meters to park at and the first 2 years, I barely even fed them ever and never with more than a quarter. It didnt matter, I never saw the Dept. of Revenue and never got tickets. This year the Dept of Revenue is stalking me with a vengenance! DePaul is like a gold mine for them; as i walk down Fullerton most of the cars are decorated with a bright orange parking ticket and now everyday every day i see the Dept of Revenue people on all the streets surrounding campus. Well I have a four hour class on Thursday and you can only feed the meter for 2 hours at at time so I am screwed. So 2 thursdays in a row I got an expired meter ticket and on both of those days I was also blessed with an expired plates ticket. SO thats 4. Then I got one for parking on Armitage during rush hour. Thats 5. Thats lots of money. I do not make lots of money. So I am grounding myself from my car.

I hate people when I drive. No one in the entire city of Chicago is nice apparently. Its like as soon as people get into traffic, all ettiquette or friendliness is sucked from their very souls and a hardened, mean, bitter carcass of spite and malice is left to navigate their vehicle. Some man threw a slurpee at another man's car on the Kennedy this week. This morning as I drove through Winnetka on my way to work at 7 am, a limo driver got out of his car and pounded on the hood of the car behind him because that car was apparently not understanding that the limo wanted to back into the driveway it was blocking. The woman in front of me in the Burger King drive through flicked me off for encouraging her to pull up with a short and friendly beep. SHe wasnt sure I saw it the first two times apparently, so she honked and when i looked up she waved it around again. When I was stuck in traffic on the way to the symphony, I saw 2 motorcycles speeding past using the shoulder and again I yelled about if they want to be treated like cars then they should act like cars.

I want to be "green." I think that if I cut down my driving and expulsion of car fumes, I will be a part of the solution towards reducing carbon dioxide. Also, reducing my dependency on oil and petroleum products is a good thing and something I may have to do in the future without a choice anyway.

All next week I will attempt to not drive my vehicle. The exception will be on the weekend when I work. I cannot take the train or bus to nanny jobs because many times I have to pick up the kids and take them places but that should only be 3 times next week. OTherwise, its public transportation for me. I will post my exciting adventures with Chicago's sorry excuse for a public transportation system here all next week. Join me, won't you?

and then there was one

This week there has been so many things I have done or seen that have made me think it was perfect blog fodder. That happens alot; I will have an overwhelming desire to speak and process via blog like 92 million things in a short time but feel conflicted about which to choose and I end up picking none.

One of the highlights this week was a protest at DePaul. When I say protest, I dont mean the usual 4 or 5 liberal kids that stand outside the students center with signs about "Drive out the Bush regime, the world can't wait" and hand out bright orange bandanas, or do I mean the usual liberal contingency getting flustered that we serve Coca Cola on campus because they discourage unions. I mean a full out protest. I was thrilled, I love this stuff even if I could care less what they are protesting! I love the excitement and the organizing and doing something. I poke at both liberals and conservatives quite a bit on here, and after I add up all the things I feel liberally about and then subtract all the things I feel conservatively about multiplied by my Christian faith and divided by the fact that I am super emotional and reactionary I find myself hanging out in the middle of the political spectrum. Its interesting and I am ok with not labeling myself because thats too stifling. Enough small talk.

So DePaul is like me: contradicting and fine with it. It is supposedly a Catholic Vincentian school (all about service) but we have a huge room for Muslim worship and the jewish population far surpass the Catholic one, I think. We are also a super super wowie liberal college and the most diverse student body in the nation for the last 5 years. But there is a conservative student alliance (i bet there is not more than 20 members)and the guys wear ties alot and print a cute little ranty paper hating DePaul because of its liberal bias and confuse me when I read it for fun because why would they pick to go here if they know most everything here has a liberal stance. The head of the Conservative Alliance and I got into a heated (screaming) match once upon a time when I was a freshman at a forum on Abu Gahrib prison. Little did we know the heights we would soar: He became head of the Conservative Alliance and would be on the news all week long leading up to Tuesday and I would write a blog about it. :)

So on Tuesday the Cons. Stud. Alliance (henceforth CSA) planned a presentation with the leader of the minutemen, Chris Simcox. The minutemen are a group of self armed citizens that patrol the border we share with Mexico with firearms looking/hunting for people that are crossing illegally. That much is fact. They do that, with weapons. The rest is all sketchy, but among these sketchy allegations I have heard in classes, in the quad, at the protest, on their website, on the internet, etc are as follows:
1. it's renegade justice
2. they set food/water traps in the desert that the starving-thirsty immigrants stop at and then are captured by the minutemen who deliver them unto the immigration department
3. they are protecting out country from intruders
4. they are named the minutemen because they can kill an immigrant in under a minute
5. they are named the minutemen after the farmers who armed themselves and assisted in driving out the British and called themselves that in Shay's Rebellion during the Revolutionary War
6. they arent against all immigration, just illegal immigration
7. they are racist.
And on and on. All conflicting. And all I dont care.
WHAT? Sarah how can you not care? Exactly. Just keep your pants on.

So I had class and it got out at 830 and my boyfriend came to meet me on his way home. I was super excited to go see the protest because it was supposed to be big and some immigrant groups from South side of Chicago had WALKED all night (why?) and camped out all day at DePaul and there was going to be churches, immigrants rights groups, Depaul students, news crews, lots of police, and all around just plain fun times and revelry.

We walked to the Athletic Center and you could hear them chanting stuff from a block away and see the lights of the news crew vans (all of them 2, 5, 7, 9, 32 and Spanish stations were there and set up and interviewing people). I often tell my boyfriend he is the only Black conservative Republican in Chicago (I joke) and keeping with his nature he was not excited about the punk rock LBGTQ (thats DePaul's handy dandy term for lesbian-bisexual-gay-transexual or transgender-queer students) students just generally making no sense and running amuck with black flags (?) screaming "no borders" and other indecipherable stuff. I did see a couple small groups of people from indigenous and Latino heritage playing small drums and holding signs in spanish but mostly it was the aforementioned hyper white kids with punk rock anarchist intentions that I feel TOTALLY comfortable laughing at. (baaaaddddd Christian! I know I know)
First of all they were dancing badly to the tribal beat of the drums. Second they werent really organized and yelled different things. Third, they were not yelling grammatically correct spanish when they tried. They were yelling "Simcox (the speakers last name) Eschuchamos! DePaul Eschuchamos!" That means Simcox, we are listening. DePaul we are listening. What they wanted to say was Simcox Listen to us, DepAul listen to us = because they followed it up with "we dont want hate." I was amused.

Also, the funniest thing was this old guy with an orange flag on a long super high pole that said Drive out the Bush regime the world cant wait. Now yes, lets run Bush out and far away but how is that relevant to this protest? I love it, anywhere in Chicago there is anything protesty, like foie gras for example, the "Drive out the Bush regime" people show up and jump on their bandwagon. I am like "No". Get your own wagon. Well, this man was way older than everyone there and had on like ALL orange and was waving this big pole which he held in a weird, um, slightly inappropriate way with this little orange flag on top.

So Marquis and I walked around and were entertained for a while and as we crossed Sheffield in a meandering way to go back to my car and go home we saw one girl. One girl. By herself. With her sign. It said "Preventing illegal things is not illegal."
She looked Mexican. Marquis was like "EXACTLY." We stopped and talked to her as 2 obnoxious protesters crossed the street and told her to go home and the guy kind of reached for her sign which was taped to the front of her. They told her to go home and what if she was illegal and she should come back from the country she came from and seriously was not making any good sense. She was the lone dissenter. 1. I was like hey buddy where are your friends? She said they were across the street on the other side of the protest. I was so amazed that she came out, by herself, not to support Simcox because she said he was a scumbag bastard and not to decry immigrant or immigration because her family emigrated here legally from the Middle East but to point out that Simcox in all his bastardness was not doing anything illegal by preventing illegal immigration. She felt illegal immigration was wrong. People kept coming up to her and saying stupid stuff and spitting on her. I was confused, they were out there protesting "hate against minorities" and here were some cocky white kids yelling at her to shut up and go home.

Ok lets break this one down: they are protesting so wanting their voices to be heard for what they think is right but wanted her to shut up and go home? As two rowdy people came up on her, Marquis and I divided them up as to which ones to take if they touched her. She was cool, one of the coolest people I have met at DePaul. WHo has the strength to be the only one in a group of a couple hundred to say that they disagree? Publicly. The news channels missed the real story here. And all those protesters need to take a class on free speech and ettiquette of dissenting. C

This is long, so more tomorrow on my views of immigration and how that is exciting.

why I am not sleeping at 3:20 in the morning

because I am contemplating my safety and reliance on the police to serve me in my time of need. I got off work around ten tonight. I was working in my boyfriend's neighborhood and we had not hung out in a while so I stopped over to chat and get a hug after a long day. We ended up talking and playing on the internet until about 1am and then I headed home. This is later than I usually am out, but not by that much.

I exited the expressway at Bryn Mawr and headed down my usual route down Avondale past the Norwood Park District. Its a semi busy side street running alongside a railroad track. I grew up in this neighborhood with my grandparents. The car in back of me was acting weird. All of sudden it sped up real fast and then turned and swerved into the other lane (would have been oncoming traffic, but there was not traffic) and up into the park field and smack into a light pole. I pulled over and jumped out and was like Oh my goodness are you ok? The guy creeped out his smashed door and was like, " arrumllrkjgnjfg." Then, "he cut me off!" "Who?" I asked. I was the car in front of him and as I stood before him I hoped I was clearly a female.

His car was smashed onto the pole, his tire was decimated and was sunken deep into the muddy field which was still wet from the rain. I was like "Are you ok?" He reeked of liquor. Having worked in a bar for about 6 years, I can tell you this fine fellow was partaking in the whiskey this evening. He was younger than me, probaly around 23 or so I guess. At first, i didnt know what to do, I was in helper mode - like how can I help him? He was trying to push his car out (it was in park) and I offered up the idea of putting it in neutral. He had to climb in from the passenger side. Then he called his friends and slurred to them that they had to come get him and someone cut him off and blah blah blah. I was so confused. It was a straight street, one lane in each way no turn off... Who cut him off and how? I told him he should probaly call a tow truck and he told me I could leave. So I did, but not before I got a super special glimpse of him pissing almost on the side of his car.

Seriously, what the frosted cheerios was he thinking?

As I drove away, I started to get mad. This wanker could have hit me! This wanker could have hit someone else, and killed them. I was mad, infuriated, scared. As I hit the next stop light and I looked in my rearview mirror I saw an undercover cop behind me (M in the license plate) and got out of my car and went up to his. "Are you a cop?" I asked. "Maybe" he said. ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
"Oh, ok. Well, funtimes." I said. Then I told him of the situation about two blocks back. He did not seem to give a rats behind. He seriously had NO reaction. "Ok, thanks. The light is green," was basically all I got there. As we drove on, he pulled into a 24 hour food place to my complete horror. So I did what any rational, calm civic minded person would do. I called 911 and drove back to the guy but parked across the field. I wanted to see the cops come for some reason. I thought it would make me feel better or something. I anticipated waiting like 5 minutes. I live in a low crime area, I still have faith in the police, I though a drunk guy hitting a pole would be a high priority, etc. So twenty minutes pass. Seriously yes I sat across the park from this guy for twenty minutes at now almost 2 in the morning after working ten hours. In this twenty minutes, my friend peed again on the grass and his friends came. As they arrived fresh from the club, a girl spilled out of the car and pulled her pants down and peed right there on the grass as other cars drove by and her male friends stood surveying the situation. They tried to push the car out for like ten comical minutes. I got angrier and angrier as the minutes ticked by with no police. At the twenty minute mark, I called 911 back. Seriously, I did. I was like HI I called about a drunken man beaching his car in the park after smashing into a pole like 20 minutes ago and no one has responded. The man assured me they were sending an officer. I was mad, this guy is drunk and driving and way to close to my home, my car, my life. 25,26,27,28,28 minutes no cops. 29 through 39 minutes no cop either. Finally, 41 minutes later a cop arrives. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? I left as soon as he pulled up as if I was reassured justice would be served. This is perverse. This accident was about half a block from the fire station and no more than a mile from the police station.

Things I could have done in 41 minutes:

been at home sleeping
physically digested and passed 1 or 1.5 drinks depending on my body weight
(thats from my ServeSafe class)
changed this dope's tire for him
walked to the police station and back
hopped on one foot to the fire station three times

I wonder what the cops were doing for that 41 minutes?

They are speaking, will you listen?

Last night I went to see a presentation at my school entitled Voices from Darfur. It's a national speaking tour with survivors from the genocide in Darfur who have come to America as refugees. It was not well put together, and the announcer guy from the Muslim student group that put it on was not prepared or professional in being the announcer-emcee person. He kept saying "the refugees are late" and "if you have questions for the refugees, then raise your hand" or "here are the refugees." It just sounded weird and offensive, in a way. Maybe the fact that I had a fever and a touch of the stomach flu made it seem worse than it was. I left halfway through the two and half hour presentation because I was so sick, but we had already watched a DVD and heard both speakers talk, so I got a good feel for the situation. I have been keeping aprised of the genocide in Darfur since 2006 and sent out emails with information alot and even tried (unsuccessfully :( ) to start a Darfur students group. I am happy I went but I was so surprised at the small turnout.

The first man was from Darfur, but came here before the genocide began. He runs a native Darfuri organization in Chicago. He gave us a long history of the region and how this genocide has roots back in the 60's and it's a continuing struggle for power that has always been violent. He had a very thick accent and I missed alot of what he said. But he said that the genocide is still going on today, as we speak, as you read this... People are dying. The Sudanese government is killing its people.

The second man was from Darfur also. He came here a few years ago. He spoke of the villages of Darfur and how each village is an entire family, 75-100 people: all related. He is one of 16 children, many of his siblings are married and then have their own children (so you have an idea how it got so big). He left Darfur to go to Khartoum city to go to university, like he said many young men do. In America, we tend to think they are not as formally educated but he said they attend school like grammar and high school. While he was away at college the Sudanese government was responding to the uprising of the agrarian workers (a result of a lack of resources and that they were being inequitably distributed). The government began recruiting the male students to serve in the Janjaweed (army serving the government) and attack the native farming communities. The man who was speaking says he refused since that would mean attacking villagers like his family, and perhaps one day, his family. It was no longer safe for him to stay in the city and he could not travel back to the country to be with his family so he escaped to America. His family's village was attacked and many were killed. He spoke of that last week finally talking to his mom on a cellphone that he sent to her. There are now 50 members of his family living in a single family house in a city in Sudan. He spoke of the Janjaweed shooting his grandma in the face and beating her. He spoke of the fear he has for his family. He spoke of the choices they had to make in a split second- like what child to grab as they run because you cant carry them all. He spoke of his grandma's inability to walk for the days on end and his mother got a donkey but then that made them a huge target because a donkey is hard to hide and loud. (When people hear a donkey coming they just shoot without looking) The rest of the family and neighbors wouldnt walk or sleep by them as they traveled to safety because of this hightened risk of violence, so the mom and grandma were alone with a few other very elderly and slow traveling women in the family. He spoke of his very young nieces and nephews, 4 and 5, having to walk for 7 hours a day because the mom was carrying the younger children. He spoke of his decision to stay in America because over everything they are in need of, they need money the most and he can work for more money here in America. I could see how heart wrenching it was to make that choice for him. He says he works very hard and sends his money back home. He speaks out all the time about Darfur because he says if people know then they would surely act. He writes letters to the government all the time asking the American government to make them stop the genocide. He had a very positive view of Bush and the government here. He says that if the American government took a stronger stand then the Sudanese government would take notice and stop. I felt bad that he seemed to think that somehow the inaction on the governments part here is ignorance, like they arent sure exactly what is going on or something. It really made me sad.

He showed pictures of the aircraft flying over the Darfuri villages and bombing and said they are Russian aircraft. He said the guns and ammunition is supplied by the Chinese. He said the Sudanese government is very close with the CHinese government because Sudan supplies China with oil. I bet if America got its oil from there we would care a hell of alot more.

Both of the speakers spoke very highly of the US government and Bush. I was like WHAT? but then they explained that Bush is the first government to acknowledge and declare the situation a genocide and they are grateful. They said the US sends lots of aid. A girl in the audience said that we should send more, that we send 2/3 of all the aid we give out to Israel. The speakers were quick to defend American government and said they are so appreciative of what Bush has done. I felt they didnt have the whole picture. But maybe they were just so thankful for any show of support. I think we can do alot more. The billion dollars a week spent in that stupid freaking war can go to save innocent people's lives in Darfur. I mean this is another complete Holocaust going on right now! Right now, as you read this more people are being killed by the Sudanese government. And raped. and poisoned. and beaten. WHY? for money. for power. for silence against the atrocities having been committed for years. because of hate and racism. because of classism.

Dare to care. Its hard and people just shut off and turn away. Dont be that person.

Go to savedarfur.org and see how you can help. Send emails to people about the situation. Email me and we can talk about it too.
And Pray. alot.

Yeeee--haaaa (or Git Along little Doggies --you pick)

(My posts have not been if the usual stuff lately. Not much Jesus, or racial and social bridge building. I am having a bit of a struggle through life lately, I am really fumbling alot and not sure how to make sense of anything. So enjoy these random light nonsensical posts for awhile.)

OK so on my absolute favorite site (www.stuffchristianslike.com) there was a post on christian dating sites or something and it was funny as usual. Light poking fun and lots of sarcasm about them. But in the greatest post was in the comment section where someone posted a link to farmersonly.com!!! It is a dating site to meet farmers! This is what the guy who started the site had to say:

"I'm Jerry Miller, founder of FarmersOnly.com. There are basically two groups in America. Group one: their lives revolve around four dollar cups of coffee, taxi cabs, blue suits, high heels, conference rooms and getting ahead at all costs in the corporate world. If you fall into this group you're probably on the wrong online dating site. Group two: they enjoy blue skies, wide open spaces, raising animals, appreciating nature and truly understand the meaning of Southern hospitality, even if they don't live in the South."

I am sad I dont fit into either one of these groups. :)

"City folks just don't get it!" haha

"I decided to create an online dating service that's 100% for farmers, ranchers, and those who can relate to the rural and country lifestyle.

Instead of asking what your astrological sign is, at FarmersOnly.com I ask if you raise or breed alpacas, horses, cattle, chickens, dogs, goats, rabbits, sheep, grow crops, or if you're an organic farmer, student farmer, cowboy, cowgirl, or just a farmer wanna be! How many singles sites do that?"


I am definitely loving this. A farmer wannabe? Amazing. I am smiling today because of this site! I was looking at the pictures that the people post on their profile and alot of them incorporate farm animals into their profile picture. Some are posing on a tractor.

I was laughing so hard, I had tears streaming down my face. I only wish my sister was here to look at it with me.

Good stuff to make me happy on a BAD day

Ok today was a personal bad day. But also a bad day for race relations in America, a bad day to be a police officer, a bad day to be a black man, a bad day to be in Philly. I am referring to the ridiculous video of the police beating in Philadelphia. Hi Rodney King times 3 in 2008. WOW. But this is not my post, thats for tomorrow. Today is random funny things to cheer me and hopefully you.

Ok so seriously? Those fold in side view mirrors? I am seeing them everywhere! A guy jauntily hops out of his SUV on a busy street and beeps his car alarm and then folds in his side mirror before skipping into the eating establishment of his choice. I saw it 2 times yesterday. I also saw a man exit his vehicle and fold in the mirror to walk 10 feet to mail a letter. WOW. As I drive down the busy streets of the Chi, I stalk the parked cars for these collapsable mirrors and laugh and say WHY? Seriously, find the cure for cancer, find an alternative fuel, Make tires that last forever? NO, thats insanity. Lets make side folding mirrors for the drivers side door of large SUV's. Thats the real problem plaguing America and oversized gas guzzling vehicles, the Enormity and street obstruction caused by these pesky side mirrors. I mean, I understand they hang SOOOOO far out in to the street that it is dangerous. I have become so obcessed with this that i measuring my own mirror and how far it hangs out = 7.9 inches. Now here is the real life dilema and resulting pointlessness of the mirror that folds in:

If a car is 7.9 inches from my car which is exactly enough space to hit the mirror, then their side mirror has smashed through my window and caused enough damage that I am not merely missing a handy side mirror anymore. And no two cars line up perfectly that the side mirrors hit each other to rip them off with any frequency. When the mirrors fold in they are still jutting out a bit, lets say 2 to 4 inches which in reality is saving 3-5 inches of space all of which is less than peanuts to the enormous gas loving beasts of SUV's which I have found this mirror phenomenon on.


Ok, Bike riders. Y'all are killing me. I yell at you alot. But if you want to be treated like a car, then act like one. Follow the freaking rules of the road. This does not include weaving through the stopped actual cars during rush hour and running the red light because no cars were coming. This does not include riding onto the sidewalk to avoid traffic back ups. This does not include wearing your IPOD while riding because then you cant hear horns and other people trying to get your attention. This does not include swerving in front of my car from your happy white lined bike lane because there is a pot hole or stick in the road. And wear a helmet. And be careful. Why arent you terrified? Have you seen the maniacs that drive in Chicago? I am scared and I drive a real car. I want to wear a helmet in rush hour traffic on the streets even though I am encased in a pod of steel equipped with seat belts and an air bag. You have zero protection. Pot holes and construction will eat you and your bike. Take the bus.

And people, yes it is spring- soon to be summer in Chicago. Yes, open your windows and let in that fresh air. But remember, our houses are VERY close together in this happy city of 3 million. I can hear you as you yell at your small children all the time and swear at them. I can hear you fight with your husband/wife. I can hear you doing night time things (ew). All of this makes me uncomfortable and now I dont want to say hi to you in the street anymore when we get into our cars.

And finally, the funniest thing today for me was this post on http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com. It's my new favorite site. Its an admitted rip off of the stuff white people like site. I cannot relate to all the things this guy talks about because I have not been a Christian all my life and experienced most of these things (orange drink, retreats, etc) but he is so funny and sarcastic and works in some bible verses I just love it. Read it. He posts about 2 a day and they never disappoint in making me laugh. Today was #207 Kicking old ladies in the face for God. Apparently there is a "rad" pastor down in Florida named Todd Bentley and he is a faith healer. God tells him to do things and one of them is kicking old ladies in the face. And leg sweeping rival pastors. Here is actual quotes from Todd Bentley himself:
" I’ve been led to do some crazy looking things in the gift of faith that took real boldness. One time I was in a meeting that was just dead. So I asked God how He wanted to bring a breakthrough. He showed me an older lady right in front of the platform worshipping Jesus and the Lord said to kick her in the face! Unconvinced, I felt to tell the Lord what He already knew: “I have these big biker boots on. You want me to kick this woman in the face?” Clearly I heard God say, “Yes.” So, with no one knowing what was about to happen, I went up to the edge of the platform and BAM my boot went right out at the exact moment that she fell under the power of God. In fact the power of God caused everyone on the platform to get knocked down. There were miracles that followed.


So I asked God, “What was that all about?” The answer was: obedience. "

End quote. WOW. How about another? Ok.

"We had a meeting in a word-faith church; not much was happening. Everyone was wearing a suit and the appearance was ‘real proper.’ I looked around thinking: God, you promised me revival. Immediately I heard God say: “‘Leg-drop’ the pastor.” That’s what He said to me! Meanwhile the pastor was lying on the ground. Then the Lord told me to leap off the platform and just jump in the air and leg-drop him. God, you’ve got to be kidding, I thought. He said, “No! Make it real. I want this to be a real leg-drop.” him. God, you’ve got to be kidding, I thought. He said, “No! Make it real. I want this to be a real leg-drop.”

Is it wrong to want to have been there for that? I have wanted to leg drop a few pastors in my day but I just havent gone through with it. And if I had, I would not have had the guts to chalk it up to divine inspiration.

So laugh with me. Its been a bad bad bad day.

dont tread on me

Last week I was exiting the expressway and waiting at the Fullerton stoplight. There was a car right next to me and both of our windows were down. I heard all this rustling and looked over as this man threw a mcDonalds bag, drink cup and some paper nonchalantly out his window. Its not like we were driving which would not make it ok, but at least you are moving and leaving the evidence in a hurry. His garbage just plopped down right in the middle of the exit ramp. Since our windows were down and we were right next to each other I said "Hey." He looked over and was like "How you doin?" I was like, "Cool. Cool. But hey, um, you dropped something" and then pointed to the mound of garbage. He looked at me like I just slapped his momma. He called me a bitch and flicked me off. I started laughing, really laughing. What a stupid response! Then as we drove away he swerved slightly into my lane and was like I will show her! Seriously, I was amused. (one of my favorite things in a sick sort of way is when people flick other people off while driving. I dont know why but something about flicking off someone you dont know as you speed past them makes me laugh. I mean, are you really that mad? Like f*&^$ me because I didnt see your turn signal and let you in? Or you are enraged because I am going too slow? I drive a Toyota Camry!! Cut me some slack! I definitely have done this a sparse few times and as SOON as I have done that, I laugh hysterically. Chicago driving. It gets the best of us)

So yesterday I was walking to class at like 515 pm. It was kind of windy and there was a guy in front of me walking and cleaning out his wallet. He was flicking all the cards and papers he didnt need behind him as he walked. THey were hitting me in the legs as I walked. So I collected the old CTA passes and receipts and paper cards he littered and when he was done I tapped him on the shoulder and handed them all back to him. He was confused at first, he said no, thank you but I meant to throw those down. He thought that I thought he accidentally dropped them. I was smiling super big and then he realized and started laughing and was like alright, you got me. I said I can throw those away for you if you like? Then I pointed to the 90 million garbage cans on the posts all around us on campus. We both laughed pretty hard and then I walked away to class. Before I entered the building I turned around to see him throwing it all away in the garbage. I make myself laugh sometimes, and today I made someone else laugh too. And I saved the earth. Very productive day.

NO title here

i have no title. I dont really have much of a post either. I am not sure what to say about the whole Obama Wright thing except thats sad. How much would that hurt more to have to break with a friend in the public arena? TO lose a friend hurts very much, to lose a pastor you have had for half a lifetime must be excruciating. I think the best course of action for us all to take is none. To leave these men to the difficult task of dealing with their hurt. I am sad that Obama is "losing momentum" in his campaign and I will pray for him. It must be tiresome to have to fight so much and debate so much and be critiqued so much. I think he is a decent man who wants good things for all people in this country. Its sad that fact alone makes people skeptical. Its sad that race factors so much into this campaign and everything else in America and elsewhere, it factors in so much more than we will ever know and in ways we cannot identify. I am tired of identifying it, honestly. Fortunately, being white I do have the choice to retreat to my "white" world and ignore these racial problems. But I wont. I never do. But having that choice and not making that choice makes all the difference in the world and keeps me fighting for love and rightousness.

MICHELE OBAMA'S MILITANT RACISM REVEALED

And that was the title of the article that was emailed to me.

Yes, apparently she was not just racist, she was militantly racist just to put a little more flavor on it and to incite a little bit more panic and more reaction.
That thought rendering title was directly preceded by this personal add on
"DO NOT BE NAIVE TO THE FORCES AT WORK HERE........................

I'll stick with McCain. Do you realize that if Obama is elected our next
President she would be our new fist lady?"

Also special wording and not over-dramatic to drum up fear and panic! So I read what followed with open eyes and a bit of humor. That humor quickly turned to disgust and anger. That anger was not blind, because it's obvious what is going on here. Can't bring Barack down, let's go in the back way and tumble his wife. Next the kids are going to be on the chopping block for their refusal to buy and play with white barbies!!!! Their militant racism REVEALED for the public to see!!

(If my sarcasm confuses you then refer to the link to Aaron Roy's blog @ http://markaaronroy.blogspot.com and refer to the Racially Exhausted blog for more insight into my current feelings. His sentiments mirror my own.)

Here is the first two paragraphs of the article:



In her senior thesis at Princeton, Michele Obama, the wife of Barack Obama stated that America was a nation founded on "crime and hatred". Moreover, she stated that whites in America were "ineradicably racist". The 1985 thesis, titled
"Princeton-Educated Blacks and the Black Community" was written under her maiden
name, Michelle LaVaughn Robinson.

Michelle Obama stated in her thesis that to "Whites at Princeton , it often seems as
if, to them, she will always be Black first..." However, it was reported by a fellow
black classmate, "If those "Whites at Princeton " really saw Michelle as one who
always would "be Black first," it seems that she gave them that impression".



So? IS she wrong in any fashion here? How was America founded? I thought it was obvious now that we stole this land from the current inhabitants and then proceeded to kill them off once we realized they were not suitable for enslavement (they kept running away because they knew the land and where to go, they were too susceptible to our European diseases). Yes, murder and stealing are crimes. We also sure seemed to hate the Native Americans or why would we want to kill them and steal their stuff once they proved of no good to us?

I also thought that it was common knowledge that once someone is black they cannot reverse that (google: Michael jackson skin whitening attempts). So she will always be Black, yes and its ok to be proud of your heritage. I am sometimes known to sport Proud to Irish shirts or pins, usually forced upon me by my grandma on St. Patrick's day (see previous post entitles Sarah Mary Catherine Murphy Celebrates St. Patrick's Day with a Blogpost) and never does someone feel offended or the need to call me racist, excuse me MILITANTLY racist as a result of celebrating my heritage.

Then next few paragraphs continue:

Most alarming is Michele Obama's use of the terms "separationist" and
"integrationist" when describing the views of black people.

Mrs. Obama clearly identifies herself with a "separationist" view of race.
"By actually working with the Black lower class or within their communities as a
result of their ideologies, a separationist may better understand the desperation of
their situation and feel more hopeless about a resolution as opposed to an
integrationist who is ignorant to their plight." Obama writes that the path she chose by attending Princeton would likely lead to her "further integration and/or assimilation into a white cultural and social structure that will only allow me to remain on the periphery of society; never becoming a full participant."


Ok so some not so obvious information- Here Michelle seems to be referring to past Black historical figures and their timeless debate of how the Black community might best succeed and rise to equality. These figures are Booker T. Washington (segregationist) and W.E.B. DuBois (integrationist). These two men surfaced publicly after the end of slavery around the latter Reconstruction years and addressed the question of what Blacks are supposed to do now that are they are "free." Should they establish a society alongside that of the white but separate (separationist mentality) so they could run it and not have a constant lower class presence? While being separate they could run their own institutions and banks and seemingly own their destiny? Or should they integrate (integrationist) with in the white community, hoping that the new laws would all of a sudden change the white mentality and they as blacks would be seen as truly equal and allowed to fully particpate in society? This is just a simple taste of those points of view, as many issues arise with both points of views. But clearly, Michelle Obama is continuing this discussion that began in a relevant part of our history. ao why was this person alarmed then at her use of obvious historically relevant linguistics; separationist and integrationist? I can def. provide a biting commentary into the reasons (serious ignorance) and personal characteristics (white) of the supposed author of the piece, (not the people who emailed it on) but that will not further knowledge or love to attack others.

Also, I thought it was pretty obvious that people still enjoy being around others like them. They stick to their groups, you like hunting I like hunting lets hang out and shoot stuff. You like Jesus, I like Jesus lets hang out and pray and read the bible. This extends to ethnic groups. In Chicago, this is super obvious as the neighborhoods used to be drawn around ethnicities like Greektown, Ukranian Village, Chinatown, Pilsen (hispanic). IN some neighborhoods, this is still obvious like Humboldt park, but in others people ended up there as a result of redlining districts. Blacks were not allowed to move wherever they wanted. They were contained first on the South sides and secondly on the West side (garfield park/austin area)as they migrated to Chicago during the first half of the 1900's. Still large populations exist in those areas and Blacks can align together as all other ethnic groups do frequently. There are Irish supper clubs and Chinese restaurants that publicize a favor for hiring Chinese workers and Jewish social clubs to further Jewish children and families and none of this is seen as a problem. What if I was super Irish and I said I am white and a woman and a college student but always because of how my ancestor's struggled to leave a turbulent, violent and destitute country, always I am Irish first. People would not care. Really. But when Blacks band together they are feared and hated. The Jewish community is infamous for their interests in helping further their own community. No one has a problem with that publicly. But here, Michelle Obama is commenting on her Blackness and the fact that she identifies with it and this is seen as a detriment? A racist sentiment?

then,




Michele Obama clearly has a chip on her shoulder.

Not only does she see separate black and white societies in America , but she
elevates black over white in her world





or maybe she sees what is going on here in America. For the most part, white and blacks have a little bit o' trouble getting together. Elevates black over whites? I did not see this, but even if she did personally feel that she liked blacks more because she is proud of who she is and wants to help others like her, WHITES HAVE BEEN DOING THAT FOREVER. They concentrate their wealth with other whites and build up and do not seek, sometimes, to go outside their community to bring in others in large numbers. It is just a fact. Seriously. Take a gander around America!




The following passage appears to be a call to arms for affirmative action policies
that could be the hallmark of an Obama administration.
"Predominately white universities like Princeton are socially and academically
designed to cater to the needs of the white students comprising the bulk of their
enrollments."






No! No way! Higher instutions in America actually CATER to whites? Shut the front door!
wow. i think they were serious.
I am sure Michelle Obama is smart, but it does not take a Princeton graduate or a liberal to figure that out. Look at the government and its racial make up. Or even better, look up the (racial) quotas instituted by Princeton and Harvard in the early 1900's. They blatantly publicize that far more minorities (at this time, Jewish) are accessing the college than they had planned. The lilly white makeup was being tainted with a little color. So they instituted quotas. (later repealed in the 60's, I believe)


Are you still reading this?
Here's the ending:




Michelle Obama's poll of black alumni concludes that other black students at Princeton do not share her obsession with blackness. But rather than celebrate, she is horrified that black alumni identify with our common American culture more than they value the color of their skin. "I hoped that these findings would help me conclude that despite the high degree of identification with whites as a result ofthe educational and occupational path that black Princeton alumni follow, the alumni would still maintain a certain level of identification with the black community.However, these findings do not support this possibility."

Is it no wonder that most black alumni ignored her racist questionnaire? Only 89
students responded out of 400 who were asked for input.

Michelle Obama does not look into a crowd of Obama supporters and see Americans. She
sees black people and white people eternally conflicted with one another.

The thesis provides a trove of Mrs. Obama's thoughts and world view seen through a
race-based prism.
This is a very divisive view for a potential first lady that would do untold damage
to race relations in this country in a Barack Obama administration.






her obcession with blackness. Obcession. Her desiring to help the black community is an obcession? I apparently have an obcession with helping the poor. An obcession. I want to say like five more times, obcession obcession obcession my mom wears obcession perfume. But c'mon, seriously? Her obcession with the black community. How do you obcess about a community? panic fear obcession panic fear. (I am laughing out loud at myself now.)

Michelle Obama's conclusive findings in her school paper say that she discovered at this upper echelon school that blacks do not identify with the larger black community. Well, butter my nose and call me sally REALLY? that is the summation point we are focusing on? White people that go to Princeton do not identify with the average white community either. No one identifies with Princeton, they are geniuses!! :) kidding. But an honest problem in black communities is that absence of the "talented tenth" leaving (W.E.B. DuBois reference). Once out in the world and succeeding they do not always return home and work to alleviate some of the social problems in their neighborhoods or communities. Well, Blacks are not the only people that are guilty of that. Who wants to go back home after you been out in the world? See ya mom, i am out. You know?

so the author sums up this neat literary work with this assertion, Michelle Obama would do tons of harm to race relations in America. BAsically, because she identifies with her blackness. But how do we know that? Because she wrote a paper on it in school?

Ok I try to get good grades, I do but I am not excellent at focusing and the world gets in the way alot. A time or two I have written a bunch of rambling garbage to fill up one or two of the ten page paper that is due tomorrow when its like 2 am the night before. How awesome would that be if like ten years later, when I am married and with children and completely oblivious to what a scribbled down, someone find my paper and then puts it out on the internet?

awesome.
Draw your own conclusions.

*****I got this from two different people and then heard people at school talking about this and realized people are receiving this email and reading it and then talking about it.*****

Rev. Wright or Wrong?

I think I am clever with that title, I really do.

I cannot seem to not care about this, or not respond to the recent Obamarific happenings as much as I want to. On the airplane both ways, politics and Jesus came up leading us straight to Obama. AND it wasn't that they saw the back of my sweatshirt (Barack My World) which led to conversation, it just was random talk. Family members and friends emailed and called inquiring about my response or to be like, "SEE? I am staying with good ol' McCain."

SO after much thought and not really a strong desire but a felt need to speak out I say the following.

I do not actually think Rev. Wright has much to be sorry for. I did not hear that whole sermon, as did any of us not present that day but the excerpt I heard that seems to be the most inflammatory, the one phrase that everyone is so freaking pissy about is "God Damn America. God Damn America for it's past treatment of minorities."
And I say yes, Rev. Wright, GOd Damn America and I think HE will. I see America as the most sinful, corrupted, materialistic nation going. But my views are not important here, the simple fact is that God will damn America unless they repent for their sins. The sins of blatantly denying the poor and the least, for obcessive materialistic views that are signifying idolatry and placing other things before the Lord. We are the richest nation (debatable lately with the crashing of the market)in the world, as we have been referred to for years. The Lord clearly says in the book of Matthew:
23Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

later in that same chapter he confirms:30But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first.


Based on this and many, countless other passages about loving and caring for the poor and the least and welcoming the stranger, I feel America has the blood of the poor and the least all over her hands. Slavery, our treatment of immigrants, our denial and rejection of the poor in all arenas of life, our capitalistic striving to make more money and covet more things and our collaborative denial of Christ as our only savior from this life leads me to see God seriously damning America. SO go on ahead, Rev. Wright because I ain't mad at you.

Obama. He apparently ain't mad at you either! First just hearing Obama's speech and not knowing exactly what Rev. Wright said, I was struck deeply by something in his speech. Not all his elaboration on America's deep need to speak about racial issues, although I agree and felt relief someone with a bigger voice than I put it out there for us all to see. I was joyful at that but something else seemed to far outshine that for me. In his speech, Obama decried Rev. Wright's statements but he stood by the man. He stood by him despite those falling percentage points and loss of the super delegates (quick sidenote- HOW, i repeat with emphasis, HOW exactly do superdelegates fit into out idea of democracy? Do they have super powers that their votes are counted as more important and more super and special that other delegates of even common voters?) Obama did not reject or deny Rev. Wright. He said oh yes he did something wrong, but he is my guy, my pastor, my friend and I will not abandon him for my personal gain. How many of us could be that loyal, that forgiving, and that loving in the face of such adversity? Whether or not what the Rev. says was wrong or right, Obama was like no, no, hold up! Thats my friend and y'all better just back it on up. I respect that. I RESPECT THAT too hard. I was seriously blown away by that ability to stand up for what he believes and who he believes in. Yes, It was a great speech and monumental for many reasons. But this reason made me respect him even more and wear my sweatshirt a little more proudly as on this day Barack did Rock MY World.

Come back tomorrow for some Michelle Obama talk.