Wednesday, January 30, 2008

a ho is more than a garden tool

I like hip hop just as much as anyone else. A constant struggle I have is thoroughly enjoying songs that not only do not give glory to God in any way, but these songs also many times defile His creations and elicit sinful activities. BUT those beats are just killing and I can't deny it. I especially love the songs that talk about or have super simple dance steps that sweep the nation as a new dance craze like lean with it rock with it, walk it out, laffy taffy, you get it? Alot of times with this genre of music, I never buy the CD or anything i just hear it on WGCI/the radio where they censor out some of the particularly offensive words which doesnt always give me the entire picture of what the artist is saying. And some lyrics that seem blatantly obvious to others, escape me. SO ok, the Superman Song by Soldier Boy? Everyone and their mother likes this song. It's EVERYWHERE! Even Regis and Kelly had the artist Soldier Boy on and he performed live after teaching them the dance that goes to his song. They pulled up children and old people from the audience to participate and be back up dancers. Some college bball coach made a video of himself doing the "soldier boy" dance. An advanced ballet class filled with young dancers performed a en pointe routine to this song and posted it on youtube. All these previously mentioned videos are available on YOU TUBE as are like 73 million others.
Am I taking crazy pills? This song is saying "crank that soldier boy, superman that Ho."
I am not going to disclose here exactly what a superman is, email if you need clarification (please don't :) ), but it is a seriously disgusting and demeaning sexual act. I cant believe that all these people are dancing to this song like it's the theme to the Mickey Mouse club or something.
I think that we are so oversexualized in America that we just think this is no big deal. This has been on my mind lately and I am shocked, so blown away, that everyone is getting down to this song with the kids.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008


I support Barack Obama in his bid to be the next president of the United States. Here is a short video of his response to our current president's State of the Union Address. In this 5 minute video, I feel his true frustration (that mirrors my own) of the broken politics in Washington. This response also exemplifies many of the reasons that I feel supporting Obama is the best choice in this election.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

gritty streets in my life

I feel as if I have an absence of positive female leadership in my life. I have grown up so long without a strong Christian influence, albeit a female one, that I am not sure how to handle the advent of one now. I also am very closed off to sharing about my life. I recently have been inundated with this term and idea of being transparent. How terrifying and what a true test of being accountable. I am at such a weird place, being 28 but in college, being mature in the dealings of the streets and Chicago and life in all its hardships and failings, yet so young in the faith. I am craving women to come alongside me and teach me, but terrified to be judged and even more scared to have these relationships fail because of my harshness or stubborness or the inability of these long time Christian women to speak to me in a voice I can understand. I am at this new church and want to reach out and meet people but find myself scared they will see me for who I am, a messed up sinner so desperately in need of God's grace. WHy do I constantly feel that my sins are worse than everyone else's? I clearly know and communicate to people who think that they are too messed up for Christ or that He has forgotten them that God is big enough for all that. And I believe that. When i visit the homeless under the bridges in the dark, cold of Chicago winters and find them engaging in illegal and immoral activities I hug them and say No, God has not forgotten you, ya dig? He loves you and all this sin and bad stuff doesn't matter. When people often feel worse than others or that their sins and indiscretions are so bad I remind them of this story I once heard from a pastor in the city, that as God looks down from Heaven upon the sins of the world they all look the same. A lie is as sinful as murder as sexual immorality as worshipping false idols. All are sins and all can be forgiven due to Christ's death on the cross. Its like looking down upon a house and the Sears tower from space, the difference in height from earth is monumental and overpowering but from so far beyond us up above they look about the same.
Then, knowing all this, believing all this,,, why am I so ashamed of my indiscretions? Why do I still feel so guilty and horrible and seriously paralyzed by fear of people finding out that I do bad things, just like everyone else?
I dont know.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Old church New church Gray church Blue church

I have been searching for a new church lately. I have been very aware of my neccesity for a group to be a part of. I feel a sense of loneliness, and want to fill this void with people that will assist me in my deep yearning to come closer to Christ. I don't want a trendy church, I want a sound doctrine and a preacher who is not afraid to tell me how it is. In my last church I just never felt comfortable. I kept pushing that feeling away and thought that was just me being hard ans scared, but the truth was that church was not a good fit for me. I attended this new church about two weeks ago and then again this week and I really like it. My first week there I filled out a welcome card and about two days later someone actually called me! They left a voicemail with a number and an email address to get in touch. Being me, of course I did not call back, my mind was busy and I just didn't get to it. I also was not sold on this new church and I didn't really want to chat unless I was sure I wanted to go there on a more regular basis. I received an email the next day inquiring about my visit to the church and asking if I had any needs or prayer requests. Then, I received a letter from the pastor in the mail personally inviting me to attend another service and learn more followed my a personal handwritten card from another lady in the church letting me know she was praying for me. Still I did not call or contact them. Then, I received a second phone call and second email. I responded to the email and have been in contact with the lady in charge of women's ministry ever since. I was floored by their interest in me and felt special. I am excited to attend further services and see how I continue to grow at this new church possibly my new church home. Their care and attention to me from the moment they knew that I had visited really won me over and endeared me to the congregation. I am scared a little to get to know people there, as I always am, but also maybe a little hopeful that I can come into contact with some Christ loving examples who I can learn from.

As I drove to school last week, the traffic was very heavy on the expressway. I always pass this enormous gray church with a steep slanting roof that comes to a total point on the top. Hundreds upon hundreds of pigeons perch there and it looks funny because you wonder how they all sit there and not slide off. Now having read a fair share of books on ornithology (the study of birds) I know they are sitting there warming themselves in the morning and getting their body temps up by basking in the sun. But, they all seem to huddle together and my mind was in a dreamy mood. I daydreamed about those birds and thought of how they all liked to come together and sit on the church and be in communion with the Lord. How they always seemed to return to the spot to be with each other and enjoy the sunlight that shone on this House of God. As more and more birds landed in the roof and they all adjusted to make room, I thought about how this was like the idea of church in a way. People coming together to celebrate life and warm ourselves in this cold world with God's love. It is people choosing to come together. The birds could have landed anywhere but they choose to crowd onto this roof. That is what I want in a church, I want to choose to go there and love the people there. It just seemed lacking something in my old church. I was very disappointed and broken hearted when I did not feel spiritually content in the first church I found.

There is this gospel song I love and at one point the man talks softly over the music. His voice is calming and he speaks of church. He says "Salvation can be yours. Don't wait, tomorrow isnt promised to you. You can have salvation today-------now wont you come." I love that part where I feel he is inviting, but thats not the most important church part, he goes on to say "There is no perfect church. If there is a perfect church, it stopped being perfect when you and I walked through the doors.... but there is perfect God."

I am not looking for perfection, just somewhere to belong with other dedicated followers of Christ.