Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Charlie the Bird lives at Happy Foods.

Very rarely am I in my own neighborhood. 6 out of 7 days I am on the West side in Lawndale where I work, in East and West Garfield Park and Humboldt Park where my friends live. Or you can find me in Lincoln Park where I go to school and love the family I babysit for frequently. I come home to sleep, paint and hang out with grandma. But yesterday my usually independent grandma fell in the snow so today I didnt want to let her run her Christmas errands in this crazy weather alone so I was her chauffer. What a funny day in the neighborhood. First, getting the car down the street was hard enough because it seems that the snowplows totally forgot our streets. I wanted to take a different route that led right to a busy street (Milwaukee) instead of her usual neighborhood side streets all the way route. She was mad as this was not the way that we usually go. I tried to explain my rationale of safety and ease of navigating as she argued that Alderman Daughtery is her friend and he plows the streets himself. Apparently, one year like FOREVER ago my grandma and grandpa could not get out of the garage because the snow was so deep in the alley. My grandma made a phone call to the alderman's office and TEN minutes later they came and plowed the alley. This is one of her only real intersections with the local or national government and this has given her great faith that the system here works. Milwaukee looked like snow never fell on it, while the side streets looked like a huge grey slushee and winter wonderland. But I let her talk and complain for approximately 11 blocks. We got to happy foods, a tiny grocery store with huge yellow smiley faces all over it, and it was INSANE. Like food was going out of style or a famine had engulfed the land. People everywhere. Everyone knew everyone. It was funny, a blast from the past as all the kids around me had Irish dancing coats on or jackets from the Catholic schools around there (St. Thecla (Thats where its at!), St. Monica, St. Mary of the Woods, St, Juliana). A few men had an Irish brogue ( = accent) and most of the kids had oodles of freckles.
As we navigated the tiny cart down the even narrower aisles, the people shouted back and forth about their Christmas eve plans (drinking, eating, drinking). We came to the end of an aisle and my grandma told me to go knock on the door and ask for Jack. I was like what? Why? I did. Jack appears and is excited to see "Ol Mrs. Murphy" and appears with our Christmas Roast which costs way too much to be made out of just meat. She slips him some money and he tries to refuse once, twice, then accepts what we all knew he would all along. A small brown bird is flying over our heads and sitting on the hanging christmas displays in all the aisles. People are pleasantly surprised by the little creature and kids ran around following his flight path. As we rounded the fruit aisle, I asked the kid working there about the bird and he said it had been there for a few days and they had no plans to remove it. They tried once to shoo it but it didnt work as we could see. When we were checking out, I asked them about the bird and they said "Charlie? Yeah he lives here now." I asked how he eats and the girl admitted some of them leave crumbs around when they lock up at night. She also said that there are now 2 birds and she hopes they mate and have Happy Food babies. When we were walking to the car, I asked my grandma how she affords that meat. She said she buys cheaper paper towels all year long.

And the funny thing is....She is serious. She likes ViVa paper towels but for some reason we always get the plain white Bounty!!!!!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I am my own kryptonite.

Through several recent current events, I have come across the realization that I am a maniac about rejection. Rejection in any form at all. From men, from women, from businesses, schools, stores, credit card companies, scholarships, pets, kids I babysit for. I avoid situations that in any way could contribute to the vast possibility of being rejected in some form. I think this is an issue of pride. That was one area where I thought I did not struggle. I struggle to think well of myself, let alone be prideful in any way shape or form. Perhaps though, an absence of pride or self worth is just as much an issue I should seek God in. God made us all in his likeness and image, and I can see the good in everyone else but somehow that God-given love for the lost and forgotten and my ability to see the good in people no matter how hidden is lost on me. I am my own kryptonite.

Did you ever get to a point in your life where you thought things would get better? I mean I remember being like 10 years old and hearing about how the world was going to end in 2000 or 2010 and worrying...(that was my hobby as a child) but thinking that I would be like 21 or 30 and that I could handle that then. I remember thinking that when I got older, I could handle everything and that relational problems and awkward situations were a thing of adolescence. That is so incredibly not true. I didnt care at all what people thought back then. I had this innocence or naivety, some prefer to call it a lack of discernment(!?!?!) But now here I am 29 years old and its like I am more awkward and shy then ever. What happened?

I also thought that I would be 29 and I would be this successful *fill in the blank*
(teacher, social worker, secretary, mom, wife)
And its pretty obvious that I am not.
I am in college.
I am an intern and honestly, its not going that well.
I babysit for extra money.
I am not married.
I have no kids.
I dont even have my dog anymore.

I thought I would be 29 and have this whole secure grown up life. But I dont. I struggle now more than ever with opening up to people and being friends or in community. The older I get the more broken I get, which right now is terrifying.
The whole pyramid is inverted. I feel like I am regressing.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

I hope you have a crappy Christmas.

My mom refuses presents on Christmas.
We used to be so mad and like "Oh Mom!Please!"
We would wrap up presents with birthday paper and put tags on the gifts that said Happy Arbor Day instead. She always said that Christmas wasnt about presents. We just thought it was another one of those things Mom is doing again.

but she was right. And it totally caught on in the family here in Chicago a few years ago. Even before I was a Christian....

Is there a better example of the perversion of man and sinfulness of the world than Christmas?
The reason for Christmas is Jesus and his birth.
Somehow, it has been turned into a season of joy or a Holiday season. A time for being with family? Christmas trees? Where did Santa come in, was he a take off on one of the wise men? Reindeer? (I like animals so I wont hate too much on them) Lights, ornaments, trees, presents, wrapping paper and bows. Elaborate Christmas parties with fancy outfits and food and drinking. Holiday songs about mistletoe and elves. And money. So much money.

I read of a mob at a Walmart this year. People fighting over each other to get to a sale item. A man was killed in the melee. He was an employee. Also, a pregnant woman miscarried due to the hustle and bustle and getting so knocked around. How did it come to this?
I worked at Kohls one christmas season for extra money. It was the year of the tickle me elmo. Grown women fought over this stupid red toy that I hated. It vibrated and laughed so creepy. I remember seeing the hate and envy and greed that year. Now during the holidays I wrap presents for wealthier families for extra cash that helps me eek out a living. They purchase so many presents that they cant wrap them all so I come and help. I wrapped over 300 presents last year. I am a pro.


A pastor of an affluent church was apparently overcome by the godlessness in Christmas everywhere but in his church as well. He spread manure all over the floor of the sanctuary and when people came in on Sunday it smelled horrible. He was like No, THIS is Christmas. This is what it is so you come in and sit here with me and we remember.

God came to earth as a human, a baby and was so unimportant to us that he could find nowhere to be born but a barn.
That is what it smelled like in there. It wasnt all warm and glowy and mary wearing a blue robe and joseph with his staff and cuddly lamby watching. It was poop and filth and no medicine and pretty hospital and luxury.
That was the first thing Jesus did that for us and we take his birthday and turn it into a shop a pallooza.

I feel sick.

And people get upset when we talk about an angry God.

Crappy Christmas....Get it.
Remember how jesus was born and celebrate the right things this year.

I pray that I am able to more fully share this message with my family and everyone I come into contact with.
For Christmas this year, I wish my family would really pray together.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Your pants are clearly on fire!

Liar liar, pants on fire.

Little white lies.

Honesty is something I am huge on. It is so incredibly hard to trust people, and I am a perfect example why. I am sinful, and wretched and do bad things. I cannot trust myself most days and the bible clearly says why: The heart's deceitful above all things ( Jeremiah 17:9 but pointed out to me today via the Flame/Shai Linne song "To My Heart").

But how honest am I?

Until very recently, I was not honest with someone I am super super close to: ME. I often try to lie to myself by telling myself I can deal with certain situations and relationships, situations or that I am over things people said or did when in fact it is banging around in the pit of my stomach where I pushed all those feelings and emotions. Its not like I can hide my emotions from anyone who is not blind, deaf or breathing. I am not smooth or slick or gifted in any surreptious fashion. The Lord sought out to force me to be honest by making me completely transparent 98% of the time. But apparently since I cant see myself often, I believe my own lies.

This has been a season of honesty for myself. Not a fun season exactly but more of a brutal open hunting season.

Anyway... I was inclined to write this post as my mother, grandmother and I were discussing lies the other day. The situation is that a few weeks ago I stopped at a gas station in South Holland (the town not the country) due to some car problems, specifically my car was saying it was very very hot. A very nice man happened over as I was looking bewildered under my hood and offered to help. He added some fluids and checked others and when I went around the remove my gas pump he closed the hood and told me I was all set and no more problems for my car, Have a safe trip home. As I guided my car back onto the expressway, I remarked to my car full of friends that you just dont find people like that anymore. That man was so very nice and thoughtful and went out of his way to help me with only hitting on me the bare minimum and asking for my phone number once. No seriously, he did all that for no reason! And after I turned down his request, he still filled my fluids and smiled and shook my hand. As I went on and on about how impressed I was at how caring he was, I hit about 60 on the expressway and suddenly WHAM! the hood detached from the car and plastered itself onto the windshield, smashing it. That nice young man forgot to close the hood and I didnt think to check it.

Long story short, I am fine,we are all fine and I just got my car back yesterday. About two hundred dollars later, my white toyota camry now sports a shiny black hood (it was cheaper).
But unfortunately, I could not fix the windshield yet. It will cpst another 150$ and I dont have that right now. The smash mark is on the drivers side and while its not humongous, it is like someone punched the windshield trying to get at my face or something.

SO THE HONESTY PART (you were wondering how I was going to pull this all together werent you?) I will be driving all over the Chicagoland area as I usually do, with a cracked windshield. My mom and grandma were creating elaborate sorrow filled stories (lies) for me to be prepared with in case I get pulled over since it is illegal and costly to drive with a smashed windshield. I told them that those were lies and wrong per the ten commandments. They were shocked and after a long heated debate my grandma usurped my declaration that all lying is wrong by saying, "NO all lying is not wrong. If you tell a lie and no one gets hurt or nothing bad happens then its not a sin. White lies are NOT a sin."

I told her she made that up and if we could do that and it be true then dogs would fly and I would never have to clean. She and my mother definitively agreed that white lies are not harmful or bad.


Sunday, November 30, 2008

Saturday, November 22, 2008

The Snowball Effect

one decision.
Seemingly insignificant.
a band-aid of a decision.
seeking instant gratification
seeking, hungering for solace in the wrong places.
one leads to two, which gets with three and has four who checks out five and they meet six who know seven.
builds, builds, grows and changes and makes a new life.

deceive, even yourself.

Years later. a seemingly lifetime later. It all falls down. It all falls away and you are left staring that decision in the face. It wasnt even about that. Where is peace? Where is forgiveness?

Elusive because it wasnt even about that, was it?
Dig deeper.

A Rotted core needs to be dug out.
Needs a new center.
The layers are heavy.
provide warmth and cushion in this icy world.
Sometimes, it rips through you.
It was never even about that.
But that? That I can do. That I deal with.I know that.
It was all just covering up, covering up, covering up ....
a lifetime of running, hiding, posturing,
a lifetime of just making it.
You think you know.
But do you?
Where is Sarah....
What she be on?

Jesus. Help me to be real.

Friday, November 14, 2008

In Illinois, poverty is a seamless and never-ending tale.

so it has been quite a while, for many reasons. Writer's block, my creative genius is poured into my full class load at DePaul University, as I learn more through experience and life I sometimes question my ability to speak to these weighty issues so persistent in my life (poverty, Christ, racial issues, forgiveness, etc.)

As I learn, I realize how much yet I do not know and the resulting humbleness produces silence.

However, I came across this as I researched something for work (I work now at Lawndale Christian Development Corp on the west side). It something I have been thinking and pondering.

In Illinois, poverty is a seamless and never-ending tale.

It runs from the state's southern tip in emaciated Cairo and Pulaski,an impoverished rural community less than an hour's drive south of Chicago. Farther north it runs to a hobbled hamlet called Ford Heights — once deemed the poorest suburb in America. And farther north still to Chicago and its confederation of impoverished inner-city communities, where high-rise public housing complexes were for decades symbols of acute isolationism, America's warehousing of the poor.

Poverty. It is the perennial question. American Poverty — rural, urban and suburban poverty. Stubborn poverty, the kind that rises like the stench of polluted well water. Poverty. Its assortment of interconnected questions lingers, none more pressing than these: What is society's moral obligation to the poor? How can we solve this problem called poverty?

Is it indeed solvable? What to do about the poor?

From 2003 to 2004 there was an increase of 1.1 million people who are indeed impoverished.

According to the 2006 Report on Illinois Poverty, 12.4%, live in poverty.
Of those, 5.7% of the state's total population, live in deep poverty.

Among the report's most alarming conclusions was that, while it found Illinois to be the wealthiest state in the Midwest, it had the highest poverty rate.

The report concludes that "one in four people in Illinois lives near poverty, enough Illinoisans to fill the states of Montana, Idaho, North Dakota and South Dakota combined."

Among Illinois' poorest communities are Cairo, Pembroke, Ford Heights and North Lawndale, where the poverty rate in each is nearly three times the national rate of 12.4 percent, U.S. Census figures show. In fact, the number of people living in poverty in Ford Heights and North Lawndale quadruples the national rate.

For me, no issue in the 21st century resonates more profoundly than the poor.

Perhaps the answer might be found in the stories and also in the voices of some Illinoisans who themselves live in the poorest communities in the state — among the poorest in America. Or perhaps poverty is too complex a question, and in the end, the answer too elusive, even after a journey that begins at the state's southern edge on Interstate 57 and ends hundreds of miles north.

The person who compiled this evidence shares this exchange with the readers:
Once, I was waxing on to my grandfather about some poverty expert whose book I had read when suddenly my grandfather, in his sometimes sobering dry wit, remarked:

"Hey, John, let me ask you something."

"Uh-huh," I said.

"This poverty expert … Tell me, uh, was he ever poor?"

"Uh-h-h," I responded, racking my brain for the answer. Finally, I gave up.

"I don't know," I answered, laughing out loud. "Probably not."

"Then how in the world can he be an expert on poverty if he was never poor?" Grandpa asked with a chuckle.

Another insight :

The problem of transforming the ghetto is, therefore, a problem of power — a confrontation between the forces of power demanding change and the forces of power dedicated to preserving the status quo.

The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Chicago Tribune concluded in its 1985 Millstone series that this so-called permanent underclass in North Lawndale "devours every effort aimed at solving its problems." That it is "a class of misfits." That it "resists solutions both simple and complicated."

Thats not exactly what I see here.

Most of this information in my post here is from excerpts from John Wesley Fountain essays, specifically his Paul Simon essay from Nov. 14, 2008.

Monday, September 29, 2008

I dont support the bailout.

The bailout? Golden parachutes? All this hullalbaloo makes me happy that I am not of this world but that I store my treasure in heaven, where it is safe and unperishable.

But Bono is so right when he said:
“It is extraordinary to me that you can find $700 billion to save Wall Street and the entire G8 can’t find $25 billion to save 25,000 children who die every day of preventable treatable disease and hunger,” the U2 lead singer told Clinton’s fourth annual philanthropic summit in New York. “That’s mad, that is mad. Bankruptcy is a serious business and we all know people who have lost their jobs,” Bono said, "but this is moral bankruptcy.”

Way to be.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Jesus was not one of the cool kids.

I have been laid up lately due to my ankle (see the vast increase in blog posts?) and spending alot of time on the internet. I came across a blog and this man posted the above video and said

"Sometimes I am soooooo embarrassed by others who profess to be Christians, and then do crazy and ridiculous and insensitive and not-classy things… uuugh! And they are serious!Is this realy the best way to introduce Jesus as a friend? It sure makes it harder for the rest of us…"

I was like WHAT? yes the man may be silly and the song not banging out a beat in really ANY WAY but he is worshipping and giving glory to God. I was shocked that this particular blogger thought this video was in any way insensitive or not classy? I was amused by the video and the song was in my head the rest of the day.

I also was intrigued by the fact that this particular man felt songs and actions like this make it harder "for the rest of us" to introduce Jesus as a friend. Jesus himself was not popular or cool. He was homeless, hated, probaly dirty, not fashionable,etc. A lot of people killed him because he was so not liked. Jesus did a pretty crazy and ridiculous thing for us. Jesus wasn't overly concerned about being insensitive or politically correct, just glorifying to his father. And as far as the best way to introduce Jesus as a friend? How about his death on the cross? Is that an easy or sensitive way to introduce him?

Friday, September 19, 2008



This picture was taken by a woman named Frannie Boehnlein. She attends DePaul University and is my facebook friend. I don't know her except seeing her perform a few times in the Gospel Choir, but this is her picture. It is so disturbing to me, on many of levels. This is a picture she took while protesting at the Republican National Convention. I am troubled that this is police, confronting citizens as they voice their opinions on Bush, Republicans, the War and other issues in Minneapolis. I wanted to share this. I cant really vocalize clearly the violence and fear this picture speaks to me and how extensively I question the notion of freedom that we hold so dear and personal as American.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Shirley Mae Murphy

enough with religion, politics, education issues....

This intermission of regular blog topics is brought to you by my camera phone.
This is my grandma, Shirley Murphy on her 84th birthday which was September 17th. She has more friends than people I know and she got lots of flowers, over 20 birthday cards in the mail and WAY too many phone calls ALLLLL day while I was trying to sleep off my pain medicine for my ankle. But she deserves it.
Such a tiny granny.
Flowers from Amber and Simon
ambers flowers
ambers flowers

Flowers from Jen and Matt:
granny loves jen flowers

Birthday dinner:
granny 84th bday dinner

Butterfly from Kim:
granny loves butters
(Gran hates butterflies because they used to be caterpillars. She is afraid of caterpillars.)

Granny with the first birthday present/birthday acknowledgement from the doctor she has worked under for 40 years. He gave her 25 pink roses and a card. Yes, she still works as a nurse.
granny loves dr resiser flowers

It smells wonderful in the house.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Do you believe in me?

Dalton needs to come to Chicago! He is a BEAST. He says, "Do you believe in me? Cause if not, I'm not going there." There being graduation, college, LIFE.

Serious real talk.
What up Dalton, you gave me chills.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Rob Bell messing it all up

I got this from
Its the youth pastor from Armitage Baptist Church. Some people I know read my blog that may not be aware of his yet. Lies are convincing, Read up on the truth. Scary stuff to think that this man is running one of the biggest churches in America, Mars Hill.

* Be a better Berean than the Bereans were.

* When we elevate man, we lower the cross and we can't afford to do that because the cross is the only chance of hope for us.

* Humanism disguised as Christianity.

Click the Stamp

E-Stamp Image

Click this e-stamp, and $0.50 will be donated to educate youth in Chicago.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

what's this world coming too?

For real whats this world coming too when we have to pay kids to go to school?

HELLO? Its the frickin law. Until you are 16 you HAVE to go to school.

I am referring to the program written up in the Sun times paper that they are testing out where they pay kids to go to school. This is just for freshman and sophmores in 20 CPS schools. Freshman and Sophmores because these two grades have the highest drop out rates. Douglas, Al Raby, Simeon.... to name a few. These are schools with medium to high dropout rates and CPS feels that they could retain more students if they paid them a certain amount per A = $50 B = $35 and C = $20. You receive half at report card time and half WHEN you graduate up to 4000 dollars altogether.

Recently in conversation it was remarked that the black community does not value education the same as other cultures may. Many people present accepted this as true and I was confused. It was explained to me that especially on the West side in families close to the poverty line, people are focused on getting money now to put food on the table and other life necessities. It is hard to focus on school as the rewards of that may not pay off for many years. It makes more sense to go out and get a job now to help out or even to survive.

How do you argue with that?

Study or eat. Study or help out the family. Its hard to have vision for the future when the present is a woken nightmare. I get it, but is this the way in which to do that? Is that money that is being furnished through private donations, NOT TAX DOLLARS, going to make that much of a difference? I am not sure.

Being sensitive and understanding some of the reasons why the drop out rates MAY be higher in these communities I am wanting to say yes, this money may help.

But I have this nagging sense that this program cannot be sustainable and how exactly is it teaching on the importance and necessity of education? I think kids (and some adults) are lazy alot and need all this special motivation and incentive to do anything and thats bogus.

I also hate this argument going around that OOOH THE SUBURBAN kids get money already from their parents so this is leveling the playing field. OK NO. All suburban kids dont get money from their parents for good grades and some city kids do too!!! I never knew anyone that received money for good grades and my friends and I all completed high school. None of us got $ or cars or a pony or anything for graduation. None of our parents paid for our college educations. None of our parents were rich.

Does that mean others shouldn't be afforded that luxury ? No,but I feel that completing high school because someone paid you too is self defeating and taking away the lesson that school is important.

But I will agree with the any means necesary approach when our dropout rate nears the half mark in some school in the city.

There has to be a better way.
I just dont know what it is right now.

Read about this here:,0,7506945.story

and here,CST-NWS-skul11web.article

and here

Friday, September 5, 2008

Stop killing people


125 people shot dead in Chicago over the summer.

That's approximately twice the US Troop death toll in Iraq (65) for the summer.
approximately 247 people were shot and just wounded.

I plan to mull this over for awhile but my first thoughts include:
War. Chicago is worse than a war zone, perhaps we should bring our troops home and deploy them into Chicago to work on peaceful conflict resolution here. Maybe?

And I am just fine beating this dead horse...the Olympics. Yes, lets bring more people here and focus our money on that frivolity of sportsmanship instead of working on lowering deadly violence and improving our deplorable schools.


Summer's finally over.
Praise God.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Pods of Hippopotami dancing through my head

I always liked hippos. Maybe its the cute name, Hippo or hippopotamus.
Or that they have little tiny ears. Or that there are dancing hippos in the movie Fantasia (they do ballet) or that I have read a plethura of children's book featuring cute, friendly, gray hippos with names like Henrietta the Hippo or Harry the Hippo. But apparently my Hippo friends are not so wonderfully cuddly and likable after all.

My friends returned safely from Zambia with stories of the wonderful things the Lord is doing there. I was encouraged and captivated by all their stories. Maybe I will relay some of them here. But today. Today I am thinking about hippos. I had no idea they were so deadly and territorial and FAST.

So while they were in Zambia they were blessed to be able to take a few safari trips. One that Brian and Heidi went on was a 3 hour river boat tour. Before they left it was all worries about lions, bugs, maybe even crocodiles but apparently it should have been hippos. So a few interesting facts I have recently learned about hippos that just keep bouncing around in my head:
(these are from Heidi and Brian and Kareem and Ashley and Matt but also supplemented by my own personal research over the past few days online)

A group of hippos is called a pod
their ears and eyes and little nose holes are all placed on the tippy top of their head so they can be underwater but poke those holes just out of the water and breathe, see and hear.

A hippo has what is called "specific gravity". This means they have a special body density that allows them to sink in water. This also allows them to enter the water and walk along the BOTTOM of the river!!!!! (God is amazing, creative, unique, awesome!!!!)
They can stay submerged for 5 to 6 minutes.

They also can run along the bottom of the river.
On land a hippo can outrun an Olympic althlete, they top 35 miles and hour - but only for a few hundred meters.
The closest relative to a hippo is not an elephant or rhino but a whale and porpoise.
Their bodies secrete a natural sunscreen to protect them from the sun, its red.
Steve Irwin, the crocodile hunter and psycho (may he rest in peace) was quoted as saying that a five minute river crossing of hippo infested water was the most dangerous and scary thing he ever did!!!!

So anyway...Brian and Heidi were on this river boat tour and hippos were on the shore and then sent out sentry hippos. Hippos are known to attack human and boats because they are soo territorial, especially in water. They submerge and then go under the boat and flip it and their enormous jaws snap you like twig. They dont eat you, they are happy herbivores. They just kill you. SO hippos were in the water and they were terrified. and you cant see them because they are under water just temporarily surfacing to check out their small boat and their location.I cannot even imagine being in that situation. Apparently their tour guide was new and he seemed amused by all of this. I am not sure I would have not succumbed to heart failure.

They lived to tell the story so Praise God there.
Hippos own crocodiles also.
and a hippo will run you over to get to water. It will not divert its route to avoid you.
They are the number one animal responsible for deaths in Africa.
Yes, hippos.

(I still think they are cute though)

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Bloom where you are planted

My boyfriend.
He bought me a rose.
my first rose
It was the most gorgeous and ruby red rose I had ever laid eyes on.
Seriously, its beauty and perfection was a sight to behold.
Now I tried to take into account that perhaps that my boyfriend gave it to me, made it the most beautiful rose I have ever seen but that did not affect my opinion in the end.
me and rose from lovey
Our story does not have a happy, easy and safe beginning. We actually came together under some difficult terms and that caused us lots of strife and stress. Today we had a long talk and I have to say that if I had to do it all over, I would.
I have found someone who really loves me. It perplexes me why sometimes.
Tonight after I asked why he chose to love me so unconditionally, he looked into my eyes and told me that I "was the greatest person ever, besides Jesus of course."

Without the rain, there would be no rainbows.
He teaches me about patience and love almost every single day.
He helps me let the past go and smile at the future.
God is so good to me.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Send me, I'll go

But would I really? Would I go to Zambia? with the lions? and the malaria? and the 18 hour flight?

I wonder this and more as I pray and reflect on the mission trip my friends are on as we speak. 5 people that I recently became close friends with are in Zambia doing God's work. These two married couples and one single guy traveled to Northern Africa and are camping in a wild game park (seriously, of all the places I would NOT want to camp that is close to #1). During the day they will teach "pastors" from the area. Now I put quotes around the word pastor because this area is so deprived of bibles, missionaries, and Christians that once someone becomes a believer they are automatically a pastor!! So crazy. So Brian and Heidi, Kareem and Ashley, and Matt are there teaching the pastors and their wives how to create disciples. And how to live a Christian lifestyle. They partnered with a man named Dan from Texas (he was one of the general speakers at the LEGACY conference, if you were blessed enough to be in attendance)and a missionary who stays in Zambia named Koos. These pastors and their wives walked days to receive this teaching. Can you imagine walking days? Can you imagine not having a bible? How much we in America take our bibles for granted! I just wrote a blog last night and mentioned that people dont read the bible at all, but I bet they still have at LEAST one in their house. I have 4 bibles. Seriously. 4. 2 NIV, some study one called a SEEKER bible, and I won an ESV Urban translation one in a raffle at the LEGACY. I look up various commentaries online from time to time and I plan to get a concordance and perhaps a bible dictionary.
Really sarah?
You need all that?
And sometimes a day goes by where I dont read it at all.
So taken for granted,,, my access to God's Word.

The people of Zambia do not have this access so every word that is spoken to them by other Christians is of utmost importance, relevance, weight, etc. That some serious pressure to be accurate.

At the LEGACY conference, Shai Linne mentioned the arduous process of translating the bible and spoke how many people all over the world are not fortunate enough to have a copy of God's Word in their own language. That would be horrible. I mean they dont have God's word and cannot study His divine plan for humanity and His creation. They cannot see how the Old testament confirms His grace and undying, undefiled love for humanity despite their stupid, bad, wrong choices and denial of him over and over. They are not schooled by Paul in the New testament on how to build up a church or how to live for Christ. They are not blessed by reading Matthew, Mark, Luke and Johns gospels and accounts of Christs life on earth and death for us on the cross.

Next time I choose another book over the bible or am not just not interested in studying my bible that day, I want to remember to take full advantage of my access and privilege to be able to read God's word. How much more responsibility do we have to make disciples since we are blessed and chosen to already have the Bible? there is like 900 versions and study aides to help us.

Please Pray for those who dont have God's word, but love him all the same.
But even more, I want to pray for those who DO have God's Word, but choose not to read it for they will be held accountable to God the Father.

When I die and I meet God, I want my actions on earth to show Him I love Him and His Word.

A few years ago before I understood the meaning and importance of the Bible, my friend Martell explained it to me like this: Have you ever received a letter from someone you really liked/loved? You would keep it and read it over and over again right? Well, the bible is God's love letter to us and one of the ways He speaks to us.

Please pray for the people of Zambia to receive Christ into their hearts.
Please also pray for Brian and Heidi, Matt, Kareem and Ashley as they do the Lord's work in Africa for the next week and half.

Friday, August 22, 2008

To My Heart

"I'll never trust you again...

Just thrown for a loop, cause thought I could trust you...

Nothing but inconsistency..

saying sex is the best way to ease pain....

signing my name on sin I knew I shouldnt of committed...."


That song. Its amazing. It home too hard. I mean, I cant trust my heart. Its tells me the stupidest things to do, and until now I followed my heart. Growing up people tell you (Disney tell you) Trust your heart, follow your heart but the Bible says different.

God's word says different: The Lord saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. --Genesis 6:5

People get these ideas. Where? I dont know.
So many conversations I have had with people this week and they go something like:

Hey Sarah, you are pretty into Jesus/religion/God, whats with that? Thats crazy, YOU? (thats a quick synopsis of 3 different conversations with 3 different people)
And I am like: Yeah, I love to love to love Jesus.
And they say something like: Oh, um, me too.
And I say: For real? Oh what you reading and learning in the Bible?
They say: I dont read the bible. I just try to do what I think God would want me to do,
They Say: I dont need to read the Bible. I am alright with God. If I die tonight I am fine with the Lord.
They say: No one reads the bible.

And I am sad. How you know what to do if you dont know who Jesus is or what he actually did? He wasnt all rose petals and lollipops-nice to everyone and echoing every Disney movie ever with a whisper of "Follow your heart."

I have this anger that I didnt learn this all earlier. I want everyone else to know, that everything you know right now is wrong. My whole family, they got it all wrong. So backwards. Its not about being a nice person. Its not about being a good person and then God wouldnt really let you go to hell. I wonder where people get these ideas of God and their hearts. Popular culture?

That isnt even what this blog was originally going to be about. I carry this burden of my life before Christ with me. This heavy, awkward, bulging burden of life before Christ. I am saved. Christ did rescue me. I look back at my life previous and it was so bleak, so sad, so ridiculous. I look and hate myself. I look back at my wake. I see a war zone of people I hurt and others that I pulled close and just let tear me apart. I tore me apart using various methods that i cant even speak about most of the time. Repeatedly. Over and over. Its a nightmare. A horror film that I see whenever I turn around. I pray to let it go alot. But I really feel like its part of me. I will never really be free because those experiences make me who I am. They make me so shy now. They make me so untrusting of all these new people I am meeting. They cause division between me and these new friends I am making because I know all of them never did as many bad things. When I hear testimonies of other Christians and they say how their lives were before they never compare to the years of sin and brokeness that I lived. But I cant get over it. It stalks me down.

My past is not my future but I cant help but increduously stare at what I have left behind me. I know as I stare and obcess over it I am missing the fullness of the grace and forgiveness being bestowed upon me but the brokenness is so extreme. Everytime I am a little broken now, the lion of the past comes roaring through threatening to tear it all down and pull back the veil to reveal that perhaps I am not as changed as I hope for. I try to rebuke that fear daily but sometimes it is too much.

When I used to walk and do outreach with the prostitues on Madison Ave, I would tell them God was big enough for them and their problems and situations and I believed that. Mariko was the first person to say that to me at Arturo's Tacos on Armitage and Western in Chicago as I cried to her about what I had done. I do believe that.

Its a weird twisted issue of pride that somehow I think my past, my behavior and way of living was somehow so horrible that Christ's perfect life and subsequent death on the cross cannot possibly cover it? I know God showers me in forgiveness but I just cant forgive myself. And it hurts.

Thursday, July 31, 2008


Why is it so hard for me? I want to meet new people that are Christian and value the same things that I do but it is a nightmare to me to actually do that. I hate hate hate talking about myself and sharing details of my life. I don't have a neat and tied up testimony that I feel comfortable sharing. Maybe I should get to work on that...?

I dont know what to share, what not to share, what I wont feel naked and exposed and vulnerable later for having shared.

There is a line between being transparent and honest and my personal privacy but I am not sure where that line is drawn right now, and I am stepping so carefully to not mess it up. But then is that really transparent? Doesnt everyone, even CHristians, reveal only what they want others to see? Honestly, though is anyone really transparent? I think that most people are like translucent- let some light through and you can see there is something there but not as clear as a window and not opaque letting no light through.
I am pondering. Maybe scrambling as I attempt to enter a new community of women and other Christians. It is seriously so foreign to me, its like another language and code of conduct ( code of the christian streets, haha) that I am not totally familiar with.

Usually, I sit by quietly observing and figuring out what to do and what I want to do and then like months later I can dip a toe in the water and feel it all out. Last night at my first women's bible study it was just all out cannonball in the water and Who am I and who are you. It was refreshing and enjoyable to an extent, but I left and felt worried and sensitive and out of place. I seriously stayed up half the night being like what if they know this about me? Or that I did that? Which sins are too big to share with other people (not God)? Or if they really knew that I swear or if they dont think I should date or etc then everything will be ruined? Paranoia. For real. Trusting is not my strong suit. But I dont think its unfounded. This intentional attempt at a positive community is tearing me apart, but in the end will it help stitch it all back together and be fortifying and edifying?

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

heart of stone

Lord I pray that my heart is not hardened.


I was reading in the bible that no one hates their brother/neighbor yet loves the Lord. I feel I have been hating on some people in my heart, and sometimes just putting it out there. I want to soften my heart and really live out the Love that Christ has for me.

Lord let them know I am a Christian by my actions.

this website is amazing. Thats where I got the picture. Check it out.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I do.

I still love Chicago though. Dont get it twisted.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Where in the world in Lynwood, Illinois?

I was perusing the paper at work the other day, and as that particular family receives every major newspaper known to man I am not sure which ones it was I found this story in, but I came across a peculiarly alarming story concerning fashion.

Apparently, the fine town of Lynwood, Il has outlawed sagging your pants. (It's when you wear your pants so low that your undies show. There is various degrees of this hip and trendy fashion statement, from all out wearing the waist of your pants under your butt cheek or just a little low.)Its super dumb. I hate it and want to smack people I dont even know in the back of the head and tell them to pull their pants up like I am their momma. But I don't. I have limits. And you should too. So should the government of LYNWOOD Illinois. Illegal? I mean, is it that serious?

What I used to wear to high school should probaly be illegal also. I was a punk rocker til I D-I-E!! Amazing. My friends and I used to ravage the resale shops and Goodwills for old men's plaid golf pants and mailman pants and just other scary scary articles of clothing. Often these were several sizes too large and accompanied by a rather large and omnious wallet chain and band t shirt or hawaiian shirt. I kid you not. I wish I had pictures. My mom was slightly amused, but appreciated my creativity and expression. If those outfits were not illegal then sagging should reign free.

WHy is this illegal? Because the mayor of Lynwood said he is trying to establish a center for commerce in his town and he cant do that with men and boys wearing their pants so low that you can see their underwear.
So let's play along.
My boyfriend and I played a game as we drove through Chicago we called
"Fashion choices more offensive than sagging." Most of the fashion crimes we saw were perpetrated by women. Although they are not often criminals of sagging, they can be very scandalously dressed in public. What about shirts with no bra? Book em. Too short shirts exposing belly or back fat? Go directly to jail, do not pass GO because Honey? you get no money here. Short shorts? How is that not illegal already, but more importantly how is that comfortable? Your ENTIRE butt cheek is visible to me.
And those low rise jeans women wear? When they sit down or bend over to pick something up, its a full moon. That is a form of sagging? Especially guilty when accompanied by a "tramp stamp" ( a tattoo visible when wearing low rise jeans- directly above your butt crack )

But do I think that officer friendly will be pulling over the town women for exposing themselves in the summer heat?
I do not.

Now I could go into a few more paragraphs concerning the racial implications here and how this fashion is worn by a specifically targeted group of males in society but instead, I am taking the personal liberty and freedom of all in fashion choice stance. Join me?

Is this really the biggest crime problem in Lynwood? Maybe they could start tackling Chicago's problems if they aren't busy over there.

Maybe Lynwood should put in an Olympic bid for 2016?

Screw the people of Beijieng, Bring on the Olympics.

So today I was sitting in a Subway in Winnetka having a $5 foot long ( I know you just sang the song in your head)with a girl I babysit. Since everything is ridiculously pampered and over the top in Winnetka, I was sitting in a leather cushioned chair in their "lounge" complete with a flat screen plasma tv which had stereo sound. The television was tuned to CNN and I watched this story with pure amazement.

It seems Beijieng has too much pollution, and this is embarrassing because the world will be watching on 08-08-08 (how cute)as the Olympics are coming to town. Effectively immediately, all the factories there are closed and the workers on a NON paid "vacation." This is a stop gap solution which will not clear up or clean out any of the pollution but millions more fumes and harmful agents will not be released into the atmosphere, at least until the Olympics are over. And also starting today, everyone who lives in the city can only drive every other day. If you have a car, you have to get a special permit which tells you which few days of the week that you can use your own car on. Again, stop gap not effective in cleaning or working for a better future but just until the Olympics are over....

Am I taking crazy pills?
The people of Beijieng are not happy. This one guy was freaking out in Chinese ( I assume) and saying something about how he lives day to day on his paycheck in the factories and what is he going to do. I bet there are alot more people out there wondering how they will survive this next month and half. But hey, as long as the OLYMPICS go off without a hitch THATS what is important. hey, One world one dream right? Thats the slogan? One dream of what? THis gets more ridiculous by the day.

Ahem, Mayor Daley, are you taking notes?
Of course you are.
2016 Stir the soul?
not so much,
How about relocate-all-the-homeless-repeatedly-to-hide-the-problem-and-screw-the-working-man-in-Chicago-what-about-our-increased-level-of-pollution-and-what-about-the-transit-problem 2016?
I volunteer to make t shirts.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Chicago, What the hell?

Chicago is pissing me off.

I like Jody Weiss, the new superintendent. I think its awesome that he came up in here and fired all those police superintendents and higher ups so he could start over and deal with corruption. I do not think violence is out of control in Chicago, anymore than it ever is. Every summer everyone freaks out like gun violence in Chicago during warm weather is a new thing. I am not saying it doesnt matter, it does so get mad, get angry, motivate, assemble, pray lets do this....But this is not brand new information to any of us. Why do we have to go through the act of being shocked and blown away like this somehow symbolizes the armegeddon. Every year people, every year gangbangers take to the streets with their guns and innocent people get shot in the crossfire. Its bull, yes, but this is not brand new information. This is not a new phenomenon. I am not sure why we cant seem to solve this problem, but perhaps its because we spend the first month and a half of summer pretending like its a huge shock this is happening. Lets all just go in the house a little earlier and keep our kids out the dang streets.

The transit system. Are you kidding me? No, for real? We cant get this together but we want to add like 50 million people to the city during the summer in few years for the Oympics? Are they all going to walk? Our transit system is a joke. They threaten doomsday every other month and scare people with fare increases and route cuts. Who am I faulting? I am blaming all that on Our stupid excuse for a governor, Blagoyevich. I do not care I may have spelled this man's name wrong, I do not care. His name should be demoted to a four letter word. He promised the CTA like 32 million dollars and decided last week to take it back. Um, sorry, sir there's no takesies backsies after you sign off on it. The Chicago Transit Authority did not cut routes or hike fares because you told them not to! You, Governor dipwad, promised them funds to the tune of 32 million dollars to bail them out. Then, to further screw with the CTA you made them give seniors free and reduced fare cards which you promised to pay for. Its like he is kidding, like hahah April Fools! I dont get it, are him and Todd Stroger best friend forever?

R.B + T.S = Partners in Crime for a new Chicago?????

Cmon. Is anyone else paying attention?

Or are we all too excited about the State troopers and National Guardsmen coming to the Chi to help police our streets? Thats a great idea. Its nice the State Troopers could take time out of their busy schedules of writing speeding tickets on the interstates to hang out with the bangers and work for peace. I am sure their training totally equipped them to deal with urban violence and city issues.

On a positive note, I heard the City of Chicago bought a new battalion of Police SUVS! Wheee money well spent there, because the regular cars were not effective at fighting crime or fixing the worst schools and hospitals in the nation or funding our transit system, but these Ford Explorers should get everything back in order! Not to mention they take more gas and somehow that all works out to help the city save money and fight crime.

Another bright spot is Mayor Daley just raised 12 million the other night for the Olympic Bid! Yay. At least he knows whats important in this city, I feel so warm and fuzzy that our fearless leaders have righted the ship of Chicago and are steering us in the direction of a brighter future for all.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Lowlights :(

So as I was waiting for the train in Colorado I struck up a conversation with Mr. Steers (see previous post). Mr. Steers got up to take a walk around the station and asked me to watch his bags for a minute. The man on the other side of me told me that was against Amtrak policies and they ask you about that when they take your ticket. (Anyone suspicious? Any unattended bags? Anyone ask you to watch their things? Were your bags out of sight for any length of time?) They didnt ask. But the large, furry, odd man next to me proceeded with the conversation about safety and I listened. Then he spoke about other things. He was a truck driver from Kansas, he has a house there but is never home, he is taking the train to Omaha, he had to quit his dream of college to work after his father lost his job, he is ultra conservative. And finally our conversational turning point: He does not think our president is conservative enough. This is when I officially entered the conversation. I asked what does he feel our president is not conservative enough concerning? He said immigration. I further inquired as to how.

(Quick note: most of you know me to be quite the fireball when it comes to debating and other inflamatory conversations, but let me help you out a little here. This man was very large, a little odd and I was in the middle of a train station in Colorado. And I know how to be polite and respectful, when I need to be! And since it was warm I was not wearing my Barack My World sweater.)

He felt that we should build a fence ALL AROUND the country, an iron curtain, if you will. He went on and on. I listened. Some people next to him were nodding in agreement. I was slightly amused. (I really missed Chicago at this point)
Then he concluded with some ignorant crap and was done.
I asked him if he loved his parents, which I knew were still alive as he had previously mentioned. He seemed intriqued and answered that he did. I asked if what lengths would he go to if they needed medical care that our country did not provide, or if they were starving and no food was available? Would he walk to Canada? Perhaps enter Illegally if it meant they could live? He just looked at me.
Then he said he did support some sort of resident worker program. That we should get something like that going, on a bigger level. But that if these people from other countries insisted on coming here they should wait in line. I asked him how do you wait in a 3 year line of endless red tape when your life and your families lives are in imminent jeopardy? If even the governments are corrupt and in killing people, at that point what do you do?
He said well if you cross the border, then you cut in line and screw others. I agreed but felt that I cannot fault people for trying to provide basic needs like life and food to those they love. I see it from a human standpoint, not a fiscal one.
I also said that we are a country of immigrants and that no one is really from here. I then rambled on (boringly I am sure) about how even the first people in the America's , the Clovis people, walked here from China across the Bering Strait so in a sense emigrating!
Then he said, "well they have to learn english."
"Who?" I said.
"Those immigrants you want to come here. It's for their own good. The government needs to make it mandatory for them to all learn English." he declared satisfactorily.

Then, I asked a rhetorical question. I said, " Dont ultra conservatives dislike the government and any involvement in their personal lives whatsoever?"

He affirmed that and elaborated that government should mind its own business at all times and stay away.

So I asked isnt that intrusive to require people to learn a language? Isnt that very personally intrusive? And who decided English is the national language?

He turned to me and stared. And then laughed loudly.
He said,"You are smart. You are a woman, and you are smart!"
I told him that was a confusing compliment.
He said he had never met a woman that could argue so well with him.He was serious.

Was that really a lowlight? Not sure. But this conversation followed with some very awkward moments of him following me around the station, onto the train and forcing me to move seats twice.

Other lowlights:

Since our train was so delayed, I guess the bathrooms filled up and they had to shut them off two hours before we got there. SO no bathroom. They were disgusting, seriously. Horrifying. Scary. They are like airplane bathrooms with the suction and metal and smallness.

We drove through the flooded midwest towns and I was shocked. Six miles from the Mississippi was still flooded. Whole farms under water. I saw cars, trucks and SUVs floating alongside farming equipment. The houses and barns were still underwater except their roofs. The interstates are still closed. Amtrak told us that the train was shut down for 4 weeks as they had to rebuild the entire line through that area. I had no idea. It was silent on the train as we crawled through the area at like 20 miles an hour. It was horrific. It just looked like one huge lake. No evidence of anything else but the tall trees sticking out occasionally. I wondered if all the animals died? I hurt for the families who lost everything; farms, crops, houses, cars, lives.... It still amazes me the devastation water can cause. I wondered how the price of food will be affected further. Hurrican Katrina came to mind, as I have seen pictures and they do compare. Everyone was pressed against the windows and it was silent on the train for like half an hour. the water came up to about feet from the train line.

I ate a hot dog that man pulled from a plastic bag that he cooked in the microwave. I regretted it immediately. I am still horrified at my food choice. It was either that or a ham and american cheese sub or tuna salad on wheat. Sick. And I paid like 5dollars for it.

but im home now and its all but faint memories.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

come on ride the train- CHOO CHOO ride it.

I am not sure if you are aware of that song from the 90's but its in my head and an appropriate title!

My mom came out to Colorado so I came home. Since it was a last minute changing of the guards type of deal, plane fares were outrageous which was perfect because I hate hate hate flying. SO I took the Amtrak. I guess I would have to disagree that its the way to really fly, seeing as how it was supposed to take 18 hours and 41 minutes but it really took like 23 hours. Also, I pretty sure if I was in better shape I could have riden a bicycle alongside the train at the same speed if not faster. But the seats were comfortable and for the most part I was left alone to relax which was good because I needed it.

So here are the highlights (with pictures) and lowlights of my first big girl train ride:

The seats were nice.
I got to just look out the window and watch stuff go by.
I colored pictures for like three hours and listened to my IPOD.

I met a man who was from Alexandria, New Orleans. His name was Mr. Steers and he was 60 and looked like an older, balder Bruce Willis. He was friendly and we talked at the station and he was a happy nice man. We parted ways as we boarded the train on different cars but I caught up with him in the morning in the viewing car. Here he is entertaining two kids who had tired out their mom with their incessant talking. As you can see he is wearing a Superman shirt, which is funny because the kids thought he was really Superman and thats why they started talking to him. The boys were Jazmon who was entering first grade this year and his younger brother Jason. Jazmon was wearing a power ranger shirt and thought he WAS the red ranger. Jason was wearing a spiderman shirt and thought he WAS spiderman. So it makes sense that when they saw happy smiley Mr. Steers in the lounge car they were excited to have a superhero meeting. Besides hearing the three of them talk about their "lives" as superheroes, I was entertained when Jazmon took off Mr. Steers hat and was surprised that he was bald. Jazmon says, "why dont you have hair?" and Mr. Steers, much to my joy and appreciation replied, "I do. Its invisible hair."
Pho<br />tobucket

When I departed the train, delayed four hours or so, exhausted, drained, hot, and having to use the bathroom (see low lights)I was blown over and surprised to see Marquis waiting for me. I was so happy and thrilled I cried. He laughed and hugged me and carried my heavy computer bag (stuffed to the gills with books I didnt get a chance to read and my laptop) and 50 lb suitcase six blocks to the green line, then up the stairs the the blue line, then to transfer to the bus then 4 blocks home as I pranced along side of him carrying a bag of pretzels and my purse! I felt like a princess or something and smiled the whole way. I have zero idea what I would have done if he had not thought to meet me. I am not strong. I have never seen someone do something so incredibly unselfish and wonderful for me. He sacrificed his time and his body (those were very heavy bags)and I just love him to death and am still so impressed and touched at how much he loves me for no good reason. I am very difficult and slightly crazy.

ON that happy note, I will end this post and fill you in on the lowlights of the trip tomorrow.

To be continued...

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Monday, July 7, 2008

Can i get a WIDNESS?

thats the name of my sisters doctor. Dr. Widness. Pray for him because the man needs help. No one can figure out what is wrong with her, and she is hurtin.

here is me typing this blog:
I got a new phone with an awesome camera in it. So be excited about way more pictures. Usually they will be of Chicago and places I go but enjoy Colorado for now.

This was such a long weekend, and I have an even longer week ahead of me. Man, Im so tired and just down.

There were a few highlights this weekend though.

My cousin Photobucket and cousin in law (fc 1 and 2) came to visit and hang out. Her husband is from England and they apparently do not play UNO there so we had to teach him. I helped (cheated mildly) him to pour vengenace upon my aunt Photobucket (his mother in law) in the form of draw two and draw fours because she was being such a stickler about the rules and no help for him. We laughed alot and ate calzones. The game really seemed to perk up my sister and her blood pressure got as close to normal as it would all weekend.

The hospital she is at had a pamphlet on a therapy dog service and I was excited. On sunday I inquired and they signed her up. An hour later, there was a knock on the door and in walked a young man and the enormous fuzzy Missy the therapy dog complete with little tiny green bows in her hair.Photobucket They stayed for a few minutes and we talked about and pet Missy and it was fun PhotobucketBut this young man told us you can bring your own dog to the hospital. We were like WHAT???? We love our dogs in our family, like LOVE to love to love our dogs. My boyfriend often says I like dogs more than people and that may not be entirely false.

SO here is some documentation of her dog, Banana, visiting her in the hospital and cheering her greatly! What a great idea this hospital has!

Saturday, July 5, 2008

I love my sister

Kim Murphy is my favorite. She is very sick. Please take a minute to pray for her for strength and healing and for her to surrender herself to the Lord. Please.


Thursday, July 3, 2008

things I miss

I'm in Colorado. I cant breathe, the altitude is so high which makes the air so thin... It hasnt stopped raining. My sister is real sick and I am worried. I am tired and restless and anxious. I like home and my cat. Here is a self indulgent blog which is full of things I miss, photographically.

PhotobucketI miss my cat. My sisters friend is watching her and loving her which is good and a blessing becuase I am not sure when I am coming back. But I miss her and her marshmallow paws.

This is Jack. I babysit for him every week. He just started crawling. When I get back he will maybe be close to walking and saying even more words!

this is Jack's brother, Thomas. I babysit for him even before Jack was born! T is in love with baseball. He knows stats, teams, players, logos, and he is only three. He is great. These two boys are the lights of my life, I couldnt love them more if they were my own.

My brushes. I miss my brushes and paints and canvases. I was working on a cool painting full of blues before I left. I contemplating bringing it all here but I may be taking a plane home and then how would I fit it in luggage and etc. I am sad and I want to paint.

This is me squeezing Cubby as she lays in her bed.
this is my grandma's dog, Cubby, and she is crabby and not very cuddly most of the time. I miss her because she is cute and allows me to harrass her daily. She is very weird.

this is marquis. I was missing him even before I left......

I love the Chi. Its home. I like home. I hate traveling.
This is the view of Gospel Fest as a storm rolled in over Millenium Park.
Gothically beautiful.

Yeah, I have only been away for a few days but I felt the need to express my sentiments through pictures.