weighing it all out

I nanny for lots of families. The family I do regularly lives in Chicago by my school. I am so blessed to know them. They are a wonderful married couple with 2 sons; age 3 and 5 months. I was babysitting for them while the mom was pregnant with the boy who is now five months. The mom stays home while I am there usually and I love it. We tag team the boys and each take one and usually chat about everything as we play. We have become great friends and I feel like part of the family. They really have been a true source of comfort and happiness the past year. I have seen the baby boy grow these past months and take as much joy in him as they do. The thrill I feel as he accomplishes rolling over or his discovery of his own voice which he uses to shriek in a song like manner for several minutes at a time, the sadness I feel when he is sick or crabby- I really love him. The older boy is in preschool and I revel in hearing all about his teachers and his new friends and that the number 7 is his favorite. SO I love them and thank God all the time for the whole family and all they have taught me. The comfort they have provided cannot be measured.

I have had a lot of ups and downs, emotionally speaking, and the Lord truly does give and take away. I have to wonder, is He taking some of these people away for my benefit? I can only hope. I was forced to remove family members from my life and separated from friends I thought I would be close with forever. The pain of those situations still sting, some of the actions and word I will never truly be able to come to peace with for the hurt they caused. I find myself trying to see if the pain that those close to me balances out with the new additions, this family for example, that bring love and joy. I want to smash this scale. I dont want to try to count out my blessings and measure them against my losings/losses/failings.

I pray for forgiveness. Forgiveness that I can extend to others that have hurt me so deeply.
I pray for the ability to enjoy and revel in the blessings that the Lord has heaped on me.

And may I continue to turn my face to the Lord, and know that no blessing is greater than my salvation.