Thursday, May 8, 2008

Good stuff to make me happy on a BAD day

Ok today was a personal bad day. But also a bad day for race relations in America, a bad day to be a police officer, a bad day to be a black man, a bad day to be in Philly. I am referring to the ridiculous video of the police beating in Philadelphia. Hi Rodney King times 3 in 2008. WOW. But this is not my post, thats for tomorrow. Today is random funny things to cheer me and hopefully you.

Ok so seriously? Those fold in side view mirrors? I am seeing them everywhere! A guy jauntily hops out of his SUV on a busy street and beeps his car alarm and then folds in his side mirror before skipping into the eating establishment of his choice. I saw it 2 times yesterday. I also saw a man exit his vehicle and fold in the mirror to walk 10 feet to mail a letter. WOW. As I drive down the busy streets of the Chi, I stalk the parked cars for these collapsable mirrors and laugh and say WHY? Seriously, find the cure for cancer, find an alternative fuel, Make tires that last forever? NO, thats insanity. Lets make side folding mirrors for the drivers side door of large SUV's. Thats the real problem plaguing America and oversized gas guzzling vehicles, the Enormity and street obstruction caused by these pesky side mirrors. I mean, I understand they hang SOOOOO far out in to the street that it is dangerous. I have become so obcessed with this that i measuring my own mirror and how far it hangs out = 7.9 inches. Now here is the real life dilema and resulting pointlessness of the mirror that folds in:

If a car is 7.9 inches from my car which is exactly enough space to hit the mirror, then their side mirror has smashed through my window and caused enough damage that I am not merely missing a handy side mirror anymore. And no two cars line up perfectly that the side mirrors hit each other to rip them off with any frequency. When the mirrors fold in they are still jutting out a bit, lets say 2 to 4 inches which in reality is saving 3-5 inches of space all of which is less than peanuts to the enormous gas loving beasts of SUV's which I have found this mirror phenomenon on.

Ok, Bike riders. Y'all are killing me. I yell at you alot. But if you want to be treated like a car, then act like one. Follow the freaking rules of the road. This does not include weaving through the stopped actual cars during rush hour and running the red light because no cars were coming. This does not include riding onto the sidewalk to avoid traffic back ups. This does not include wearing your IPOD while riding because then you cant hear horns and other people trying to get your attention. This does not include swerving in front of my car from your happy white lined bike lane because there is a pot hole or stick in the road. And wear a helmet. And be careful. Why arent you terrified? Have you seen the maniacs that drive in Chicago? I am scared and I drive a real car. I want to wear a helmet in rush hour traffic on the streets even though I am encased in a pod of steel equipped with seat belts and an air bag. You have zero protection. Pot holes and construction will eat you and your bike. Take the bus.

And people, yes it is spring- soon to be summer in Chicago. Yes, open your windows and let in that fresh air. But remember, our houses are VERY close together in this happy city of 3 million. I can hear you as you yell at your small children all the time and swear at them. I can hear you fight with your husband/wife. I can hear you doing night time things (ew). All of this makes me uncomfortable and now I dont want to say hi to you in the street anymore when we get into our cars.

And finally, the funniest thing today for me was this post on It's my new favorite site. Its an admitted rip off of the stuff white people like site. I cannot relate to all the things this guy talks about because I have not been a Christian all my life and experienced most of these things (orange drink, retreats, etc) but he is so funny and sarcastic and works in some bible verses I just love it. Read it. He posts about 2 a day and they never disappoint in making me laugh. Today was #207 Kicking old ladies in the face for God. Apparently there is a "rad" pastor down in Florida named Todd Bentley and he is a faith healer. God tells him to do things and one of them is kicking old ladies in the face. And leg sweeping rival pastors. Here is actual quotes from Todd Bentley himself:
" I’ve been led to do some crazy looking things in the gift of faith that took real boldness. One time I was in a meeting that was just dead. So I asked God how He wanted to bring a breakthrough. He showed me an older lady right in front of the platform worshipping Jesus and the Lord said to kick her in the face! Unconvinced, I felt to tell the Lord what He already knew: “I have these big biker boots on. You want me to kick this woman in the face?” Clearly I heard God say, “Yes.” So, with no one knowing what was about to happen, I went up to the edge of the platform and BAM my boot went right out at the exact moment that she fell under the power of God. In fact the power of God caused everyone on the platform to get knocked down. There were miracles that followed.

So I asked God, “What was that all about?” The answer was: obedience. "

End quote. WOW. How about another? Ok.

"We had a meeting in a word-faith church; not much was happening. Everyone was wearing a suit and the appearance was ‘real proper.’ I looked around thinking: God, you promised me revival. Immediately I heard God say: “‘Leg-drop’ the pastor.” That’s what He said to me! Meanwhile the pastor was lying on the ground. Then the Lord told me to leap off the platform and just jump in the air and leg-drop him. God, you’ve got to be kidding, I thought. He said, “No! Make it real. I want this to be a real leg-drop.” him. God, you’ve got to be kidding, I thought. He said, “No! Make it real. I want this to be a real leg-drop.”

Is it wrong to want to have been there for that? I have wanted to leg drop a few pastors in my day but I just havent gone through with it. And if I had, I would not have had the guts to chalk it up to divine inspiration.

So laugh with me. Its been a bad bad bad day.

1 comment:

Noel and Ashley said...

Hey Sarah,
I recently put made my blog invite status only, pass along your email address to me and I'll add it ( if you read it that is:) I just didn't know your address, but didn't want you to think I was blocking you out:)