Monday, July 21, 2008

Where in the world in Lynwood, Illinois?

I was perusing the paper at work the other day, and as that particular family receives every major newspaper known to man I am not sure which ones it was I found this story in, but I came across a peculiarly alarming story concerning fashion.

Apparently, the fine town of Lynwood, Il has outlawed sagging your pants. (It's when you wear your pants so low that your undies show. There is various degrees of this hip and trendy fashion statement, from all out wearing the waist of your pants under your butt cheek or just a little low.)Its super dumb. I hate it and want to smack people I dont even know in the back of the head and tell them to pull their pants up like I am their momma. But I don't. I have limits. And you should too. So should the government of LYNWOOD Illinois. Illegal? I mean, is it that serious?

What I used to wear to high school should probaly be illegal also. I was a punk rocker til I D-I-E!! Amazing. My friends and I used to ravage the resale shops and Goodwills for old men's plaid golf pants and mailman pants and just other scary scary articles of clothing. Often these were several sizes too large and accompanied by a rather large and omnious wallet chain and band t shirt or hawaiian shirt. I kid you not. I wish I had pictures. My mom was slightly amused, but appreciated my creativity and expression. If those outfits were not illegal then sagging should reign free.

WHy is this illegal? Because the mayor of Lynwood said he is trying to establish a center for commerce in his town and he cant do that with men and boys wearing their pants so low that you can see their underwear.
So let's play along.
My boyfriend and I played a game as we drove through Chicago we called
"Fashion choices more offensive than sagging." Most of the fashion crimes we saw were perpetrated by women. Although they are not often criminals of sagging, they can be very scandalously dressed in public. What about shirts with no bra? Book em. Too short shirts exposing belly or back fat? Go directly to jail, do not pass GO because Honey? you get no money here. Short shorts? How is that not illegal already, but more importantly how is that comfortable? Your ENTIRE butt cheek is visible to me.
And those low rise jeans women wear? When they sit down or bend over to pick something up, its a full moon. That is a form of sagging? Especially guilty when accompanied by a "tramp stamp" ( a tattoo visible when wearing low rise jeans- directly above your butt crack )

But do I think that officer friendly will be pulling over the town women for exposing themselves in the summer heat?
I do not.

Now I could go into a few more paragraphs concerning the racial implications here and how this fashion is worn by a specifically targeted group of males in society but instead, I am taking the personal liberty and freedom of all in fashion choice stance. Join me?

Is this really the biggest crime problem in Lynwood? Maybe they could start tackling Chicago's problems if they aren't busy over there.

Maybe Lynwood should put in an Olympic bid for 2016?

No comments: